I'd be shorter

    Harrison Ford, the actor that portrayed Han Solo, is 6'1'' (185.42 cm); I would be shorter, not by much, but 2 inches shorter.  It is fairly significant to some people.  I haven't felt like a tall person, or even a very large person, for all of my adult life.  There a just moments when I am reminded that I am a large imposing person.  I'm 6'3'' (190.5 cm). I am not a skinny person, even when I was lighter.  I have very broad shoulders and a tick torso, my legs are thick and toned from being on swim team, skateboarding, and bicycling. for a good portion of my childhood, and teen years.

My body type is what is called an Endomorph.  All my life, since I was a little kid, I've always had a little belly, even when I was physically active like crazy, my older brother noticed it and for a whole summer would supervise or order me to do sit-ups for hours a day.  I didn't lose the belly I just developed  very dense muscles under the fat.  Now over the years, of drinking to many soft drinks, beer, liquor, and just generally being a lazy fuck, I have put on much more weight then I even wanted to.  I have started my efforts to lose some of that weight and get back into better shape.  When I started working out, and eating less.  I didn't really change much of my current eating habits, except for cutting out a majority of breads and pastas.  I am simply eating less of them, smaller portions.  I fight off the urge to eat more by simply drinking more water, or occasionally a "hunger curving" shake.  I haven't needed one of those in a couple of weeks though.  I have gone from 299 lbs.(135.6 kg) to 287 lbs. 130.18 kg).  I have a ways to go if I want to get to where I want to be which is close to 240 lbs. It also may be more than that, since I want to build up stronger core muscles.  Anyway I figured talking about this will give me a record of the commitments I am trying to keep up and I can look back and feel shame or pride that I kept to it for failed. This isn't what really drove me to write this blog today.  I'll get to the point now.
    I was browsing imgur.com again, of course.  When I cam across a meme stating the unpopular opinion, of you shouldn't wait for a girl to hit you before you defend yourself.  No despite being inflammatory and misogynistic it got me to read a few of the comments, one was from a guy that was stating he is a big imposing guy and it would take more than just 2 punches to bring him down.  He then said that he was 5' 10'' and 280 lbs.  I read that and was like, this guy is 5 inches shorter than me and weighs nearly the same as I do.  Now I am not going to lie I have a pretty big gut if I don't stand up strait and suck it in for the sake of keeping good posture which I try to do. This guy is either very muscular or is just as doughy as me, if not more so.  No I don't know many people who will openly admit on the internet of being fat.  I did ask him since he was 5 inches shorter than me and weighed as much as I do, did he have the physical stamina to take the strain of throwing a punch?  Yeah it was a fairly dick move to call him out like that but hey this is the internet, I can be a dick if I want to.  He went on the say he has and athletic build but has a bit of a belly.  I was satisfied with that.  Hell I'm not going to press the guy.

 What really struck me was the fact that he thought 5'10'' was tall.  That got me thinking.  I stated before I never felt like a big guy, mostly because I was surrounded by friends of mine that were just as tall if not taller than myself.  6'4'', 6'2'', even 6'8''.  I didn't feel like a tall person around all of them.  I would imagine that we probably looked pretty scary walking together as a group though, but we were all fairly non-violent nerds, just looking for a place to play Magic: The Gathering.
    I just was wondering why on earth this guy on the internet thought that 5'10, was tall?  I looked up the national average of men in the USA, and 5'9'' is the average.  So he was only an inch taller.  That isn't much but maybe he is in an area that is much shorter.  I work with and meet people that are as tall or taller than men quite regularly.  I don't feel out of place or imposing, I feel normal.  It is only when I get told, "Wow you're huge." or I get stories from my girl friend about how her co-workers are intimidated by me.  I mean I fell like my favorite line from Bane, in the Dark Knight Rises was when the CIA agent said "Come on, you're a big guy." His replay is "For you."

 Which I found to be brilliant, because that is a relative comparison.  I'm not a big guy compared to my friend Robert who is 6'8''.  Which would make it all possible for this guy to be an imposing guy even at 5'10''.  Though how he doesn't run into guys much taller than him I will not know.  I don't really care to follow his daily interactions, and that would be kind of creepy to want to.
  I decided to ask a friend of mine that I made a few months ago, she's 6''(182.88 cm) tall.  I asked he if she often forgets how tall she is.  If she thinks of herself  in a different perspective than just being tall.  She told me she is always aware that she is much taller than average.  She told me that times she wishes she was shorter.   That makes sense to me, because a majority of females are not that tall.  So you'd be constantly reminded that you are tall by just looking around at other girls.  I would image this is probably a similar issue to men that are below height.  Thus the giving rise to the "Napoleon complex" not that only short people get it, I am pretty sure tall women feel the same as a short man for not being "normal."

   It was during this conversation that I had a bit of an epiphany, I often find myself more comfortable and drawn to being around taller women.  I am more friendly to them and I will engage them in conversation much sooner than I would a girl that is shorter than say 5' 8''.  I realized that I am just trying to feel not as tall as I am buy seeking out women that are only slightly shorter than me, sot that I feel that I am average height.  It makes me feel normal.  I suppose that is really all what it boils down too, is just the never ending quest to feel "normal" or fit in, but also stand apart.  It is a funny thing the way we perceive ourselves, so erratic and contradictory at times that to an outside observer the place is just a giant insane asylum.
     I'm happy with who I am, I just forget I am as large as I really am. It probably makes people scare at times, or worried when I try to do things that are something I shouldn't be doing being as tall as I am. Like climbing up the wall of an apartment building to get onto a balcony to get into the apartment I was locked out of... long story.  It is just those random things that pop into my head that I feel like typing out.  I hope you enjoyed reading this.

You like me because I'm a scoundrel,
    Ian

I would be forever young.

     It has been a while since I felt the inspiration to write a blog.  I've been putting some effort into writing a scary story, also life distractions since this is not my job and only my hobby,  If I could write as a job I might actually update this thing less.  I digress, to the point now.

     I have written about this subject matter before.  I simply saw a new image on imgur that gave me some additional thoughts on it.  Since it is hard to convey full ideas and aspects in a box of 140 characters, I will fill out my thoughts here.  This image, shows they young beautiful celebrities and how they are now old and saggy.  It is amazing to think that such an image would come as a shock to people.  Then again this come back to that bubble of time, that celebrities live in.  That film that made them a star, all youthful and fit,  they are forever frozen in that time, their image seen by people far younger, or born long after they are no longer alive.  Look at old films and stars.  They are beautiful in those films, Judy Garland, Audrey Hepburn, James Stewart, and Kerry Grant. They are gone now, but their films are still here, they are still beautiful in them.  They have reached the point where, they are not the subject of every day exchanges but they are now young and beautiful forever. If you google those names, you will not see photos of what they looked like they months or years before they died,  You will see the photos of how they looked then.  Sure if you do a deeper image search I am sure you will find more current photos.  But Google only shows the initial photos on the search, you their youthful good looks.  This show that we would rather be not reminded that the grim sector of age encompasses us all. To keep that reality at bay, when we think of older celebrities we only look at them as they were young.  

    There is a way to stay young and beautiful for celebrities, or even people.  The cost is higher than anyone is really willing to pay, it is your life.  Celibates that die young, still remain alive in their films, they are young attractive and that is why they became stars in the first place, yes of course their acting had things to do with it true, or maybe even their music.  The point is they were suddenly view by a much wider range to people, their images where captured in film and photography.  Then their lives were cut short. James Dean, Marilyn Monroe, Kurt Cobain, River Phoenix, and Heath Ledger. All these people have become frozen in time, because there is no record beyond their shining beauty and youth.  Forever young to coin a phrase.  This will not work for stars that have already lived past the point of their looks.  Even if Micky Rooney dies tomorrow, he will still have his films, and photos of  how his looks have changed for the worse.  Not many people remember him from 9 1/2 Weeks, they remember him from things like Iron Man 2 and The Wrestler. After his brush with bad plastic surgery trying the recapture his youthful look.

     I think most people get upset or angry at the celebrity for getting old and no longer looking good, because they are not be lied to anymore, they are being told the truth.  The truth is you are not a god, you are not timeless.  Depressing as it feels, you will not remain like that, unless you stop aging by dying.  The only your photographs remain, Frozen in time forever young.

You like because I'm a scoundrel,

     Ian