This post might more interesting

   
     I hate those moments when I feel like writing but there is nothing I can think of to write about.  It is like a burp you can feel in your chest but no matter what you do that little annoying pocket of air is stuck right there. You don't want to force it too much because what if you end up bring up more than just the gas?  But you want it to go away because it is annoying you, it is not painful but persistent   That is what it is like when I suddenly feel the urge to write but don't have anything in particular to write about.  Maybe it is these moments that free writing might be it's most productive.

Everyone loves a picture of Cthulhu in a blog.

     Essentially I am doing that now by just writing about having nothing to write about.  The problem with this is that what I maybe writing is more than likely not going  to entertain the reader much.  It is just mindless writing to get words onto a page to satisfy some mental or emotional need to write.  I don't know if this effects many people, it doesn't often happen to me but when it dose I find myself scribbling on a paper, or writhing quotes from films, and I open up Word and stare at the empty white page and think, look at all the potential to fill this thing with nonsense.   It is what I do most of the time I see any opportunity to inject my thoughts into anything.   

     People call that trolling, that is the current popular term for it.  Gone are the days of calling it, being witty.  It had become the art of causing people to become upset at you for what you said, which in turn entertains you and hopefully entertains those around witnessing said trolling.  There are some people that take it to the point where it could be called cyber bullying.  Which is why being called a troll has such a negative connotation to it.  I admit that sometimes the things I say are not nice, but they were not intended to be hurtful, just funny.  I tend to use this as a defense mechanism, as well as a way to deal with a stressful situation.  Something to break up the tension of a situation.  Or distract attention from something.  It is a spiral that can land me into trouble some times.  The more stressed I am the more sarcastic I tend to become.  That is a bad situation when arguing with anyone.  Because I get stressed I make a joke, they are angry they don't find it funny the respond poorly or angry to the joke, which leads me to become more stressed so I respond with more jokes.  Suddenly I am in lots of trouble when it was really something very small to start off with and I could have avoided the fight by just keeping my mouth shut.
      Shifting gears at random since I am writing this while I am also working, It has come to my attention, when we think think of accents we think of how accents sound when someone from a different country speaks English.  I wish I had the perspective of say a German speaker, that could hear that it was an Irishman speaking German in an Irish accent.  The concept of it sounds strange but it is completely possible.  Speaking any language you'll speak it in your American accent.  A native speaker of that language gets that unique perspective.  It is fascinating to me.

     I've been told that these wall of text I put up could be less intimidating if I threw a few pictures in to the blog to break up all the text.  That way people don't think they are reading as much as they are all at once.  The problem with that is finding a picture that is not too distracting to the reader that they stop reading and stare at the picture... Or maybe you're just staring at Rita Hayworth.  I know I would be.

     Sure she's distracting.  I should probably  find a different picture to put up.  It is however interesting enough to make people actually stop to read a little.  Maybe I'll talk about Rita Hayworth, but really I'm not going to talk about her.  To be perfectly honest, I've really only looked at pictures of her.  I've never put the effort to watch any of the films she was in.  I might say more about her if I did.
   Instead she is just this pretty lady that I found out
about watching the film "The Shawshank Redemption"  as is for most of the people who talk about her.  I could read the wiki about her and educate myself, but then I might find she is less of the angel I picture her in my head.  It might destroy the image of the person she is that I have build up in my mind.   I'd rather just keep her as she is in my mind perfectly innocent...

Okay maybe not THAT innocent.


     I figured a smattering of images on a blog might be a nice change to my usual large block of text of misspellings an poor grammar.  It is working so far, I mean breaking up the text enough.  With Halloween coming up, I'm going to have to get my costume together, I'm planning on getting the outfit together for the Velveeta Cheesy Skillets.  It is obscure enough for people to ask me who I am, and not guess right away, and silly enough to fit my personality.  

The trouble is I can't grow a 5'o clock shadow like that in a day, so I'm going to have to spend several days growing a something that any normal guy could get done in a day.  Once that is done it just a matter of putting on the rest of the get up and then profit!

The fact that she looks like she is terrified yet strangely aroused is just what I am hoping for.  I don't know how well this will go.  But who know it might turn out better then I think.
     I'm not sure who will end up reading this, but I hope you enjoyed reading it.  I always appreciate some kind of feed back.  Even thought the most feed back I receive is from my mother.  Which all though sweet and loving as she is, doesn't really count.  I'll see if I can add more ninjas next time a get the sudden urge to write something.  This is just a random rambling of a blog, not informative about society  but then again I never have been much part of society,  I'm just here to distract you for a little while, so you try not to take life too seriously.  I know not as good a some drugs out there, but you can at least be seen with me and not get arrested by the cops... well most of the time.
      You like be because I'm a scoundrel.
           Ian

More Exciting things than this would happen.

Stock Photo not actual snake in House

   Typical Friday morning, I woke up took a shower, made some coffee, ate a bowl of cereal.   Tried to win a few Battle Ground matches in WoW. (Yeah I still play it.)  When suddenly out of the hallway it hear "Eww, Ian! come here quick! There is a snake in here. In front of my room!"  Well I was losing this BG anyway might as well go investigate what Wendy's mom sounded so worried about.  Sure enough there was a small snake laying quit lethargic looking on the carpet.  It was about 8 to 10 inches long.  Not what I would consider a big snake.

Now with snake grabbing action!

 I later identified it as a Bull snake, which can be as big as 8ft long.  So this was a baby.  I could tell already by the shape of it's head and coloring it wasn't venomous so I wasn't worried about it.  I asked Teresa to get me a stick or something I can use to grab it.  I had all intention of simply pinning it down and picking it up, but she came back with that As seen on TV gopher grabber thing. 

     Olist was very interested in the snake she walked up and sniffed it and then batted at it,  it moved a little but didn't really run off for me to have to chase it.  I was glad I didn't have to pick the snake up by hand. Not because I was scared of the snake, more because, when a snake is frightened, it's going to shit all over you and I didn't want that smell on my hands all day. So after shewing Olist away from trying to "play/kill" the little guy.  I picked him up and carried him outside.  Olist followed me like I was about to give her a treat. Which didn't make the snake very comfortable with its situation.  

The Courageous Hunter

It ended with out much any incident, nothing was injured except maybe Olit's play time, or the snakes sense of dominance over it's domain.  I headed to work, now telling Wendy is going to be the fun part.  All in all I'd rather be making the Kessel Run. You like me because I'm a scoundrel.

   - Ian

I just put a debt mark on my head, and my co-workers at the Bounty Hunters.

       In a some what fool hearty move, I've posted the link to this blog.  I am soon to be inundated with comments of poor grammar, poor spelling, and that thing you do when your keep tying bear instead of bare, which was just pointed out to me.  I know I'm going to regret doing this, especially since these guys currently are in need of entertainment.  I just provided  loads of it.  I'll probably have to update this more often than I do.  As of lately it has only been an update when I felt inspired to write something.   Now I'm sure I'll get semi regular visits to check on my updates, and what grammar and spelling errors I can make.  I've already developed a reputation for telling long boring pointless stories in our /b/ chat at work.  They kicked around the option to make a blog of these.  The idea was quickly canned with the knowledge that I would enjoy that kind of blog.  Thus riding them of the enjoyment of  torturing me with it.  I soon informed them that I already had a blog full of "Ian" stories.  I've made my bed now I have to sleep in it.

Speaking of which, in an attempt to get out off the house this weekend to find an air conditioned building to be in for a while I went to Handcock Fabrics with Wendy.  Suddenly I'm now the owner of a Star Wars, fleece throw.  I made it myself not sewing required, just sniping the dotted lines for fringe and tying them together for effect.  Ages 5 and up. Very comfy I recommend it when you'r AC is working or it is cool outside.

   Since I had previously forgot to inform my readers that the AC in the house broke over the weekend,  I now have.  It was awful,  I didn't get any sleep over the weekend, until the unit was fixed late in the afternoon on Sunday.   During that time, the stress level of my dear sweet Wendy was sky rocketing due to the heat.  I took everything she said in stride.  Naturally my ability to appear completely unconcerned about things caused her to become angry at me.  I knew in my head I had things under control, which is why things didn't bother me.  Of course the heat was uncomfortable,  I just prefer to remain in a state of "zen-like" calm.  It helps me deal with these situations.  Just like in moments of high distress I am always looking for a joke to make.  I am glad yet also frustrated that I don't deal with stress the same as what a "normal" person does.  I just need to come out of my own little world and tell Wendy, "Chewy and I got this, you two say here." I don't know who Chewy is yet in that but meh.   Just read and smile, that's all you're here for anyway.  You like me because I'm a scoundrel. 

Ian Serna

Would my apathy make me evil?

Over the past weekend there was much crying and mourning over the victims in the shooting in Colorado.  Not the first time this kind of thing has happened in Colorado, maybe there is something in the water up there.  Anyway, there is all this yelling and crying about it being a horrible evil event.  There is many people talking about how sad the situation is, and there is much analyses over why the individual did what he did.  There are people who start crying for gun control.  There are people who defend that guns are not the cause.  Though my stance is just not to own a gun, so I simply chose not to take a side on that debate about gun control.  I don't hunt I don't feel the need to own a gun. 

     What is really bothering me is the lack of feelings I have.  I don't feel any kind of empathy for those people who have lost their loved ones.  This is odd because I can relate to what they are feeling.  I just don't really care.  It also makes me a little annoyed at how people are going to capitalize on this kind of thing.  Be it political or other gains people will jump on the opportunity to take something away from this.  Maybe a film or something like that will be made; much like my rant about the World Trade Center film, which did very poorly in the box office. 

    It is hard for me to think of this to be any worse than the 100s of people that are getting killed in other countries.  It is just something that happens in our country there is a public outcry to do something.  Meanwhile in other countries war lords are making child armies. Here in America it is at first taken as some kind of cause to get behind, and by that people clicked the "like" button. On their computer screen while sitting in their air conditioned room, probably listening to the latest pop song and drinking a soda.  Some people realized the utter ridiculousness of the concept of thinking that clicking a "like" button isn't going to change the world.  When that was realized the movement became a joke that, people would poke fun of the people too ignorant to realize their "like" vote is meaningless.  Then the activist that started the movement was found naked in the street.  Rendering his campaign less than creditable, this is now quickly forgotten. 

    Should I feel any more compassion for these people who died in my country than I do to the thousands of others that I don’t?  Saying this kind of thing is probably going to make me less than popular with people.  I just can put on a sad face this kind of thing when there is other suffering all around the world. 

      Americans are a very privileged type of society; I am not saying I am above that kind of privileged life.  I'm sure I am just as sheltered as the rest of the people in America.  The daily horrors that people in other countries are something I don't live with.  Who would wish to inflict that kind of suffering on them willingly and not have some kind of agenda in mind.  There are very few selfless acts.  Everyone has made choices with their own interests in mind. 

    This guy decided to drop out of his PhD program and then go to a packed theater and shoot a bunch of people.  I'll throw my own theory in there with the rest of the people coming up with reasons.  He didn't do it because he was crazy, he didn't do it because he wanted to hurt people.  He did it because his life felt empty and as if it didn't have a meaning.  He did it to become infamous.  He is now; he's added himself to the history books.  As fleeting as such a thing is fame.  People what to have it.   The impact of his actions has not really taken hold of him at the moment.  If it ever does maybe he's already thought about the reactions to such a crime.  Maybe he had hoped to be killed in the altercation, maybe he surrendered without a fight because he just wanted to spend the rest of his life in quiet solitude. 

     Seeking the death penalty for this crime is very likely, the problem I feel with that is, it really is letting him get away easy with his actions.  He'll never really grow old enough to understand what it is he has taken from those victims.  To lose your life, while a scary thought once it's gone you don't really care anymore.  To lose the life of someone you cared for is a whole different kind of feeling.   There is more to the code of Hammurabi than people realize. 

     Is there something wrong with the way I function as a human that feeling sad for a total stranger is foreign to me.  I deal with tragedy in my own life by making a joke or trying to add levity to a otherwise serious situation because that is how a feel the best way to deal with it is.  Dwelling on the sadness is something you might have to do but wallowing in it is something I can't do.  I'd much rather laugh than cry about something.   This really makes me look like an asshole when I crack jokes about not having to spend money on Father’s Day.  Or saying there's more food to go around the Thanksgiving table or that I don't have gifts to get on my sister's birthday, oh wait my girlfriend has the same birth date! Dammit, well can't win them all.

     What I am basically saying is, just because I don't care, doesn't mean I don't understand. Try not to get too upset over my lack of tears and expressed sadness for this kind of thing.  I probably step on a lot of people toes and piss in a lot of people's cheerios with this kind of outlook on life, but I can't change the way my feelings work.   You hate me because I'm a scoundrel.

Ian Serna

I'd stay in shape running for my life.

     I decided to start running on the treadmill that Wendy bought.  I tried it out the first day, it took almost an hour to walk a mile.  I didn't mess with it for a week, last night thanks to the dropping of the Diablo 3 servers, I decided to kill some time by running on the treadmill.  I think the treadmill is trying to get me to work out way over my current ability.  I hit the "Set Goal" button and picked distance.  I was planning running a mile until I could that that mile down to a 5 minute mile.  Or around there if it is possible.  But when I hit the "Set Goal" button the treadmill was like "Ok, you are going to do 3 miles in 30 minutes at 6 miles per hour GO!"  I was like whoa whoa! hold on, what the fuck am I a 3 year old with unlimited energy?  I had to dial it back to just 1 mile, I couldn't set it to 1.5 miles so I could have a cool down walk after the mile was over.  I am sure that if I tried to set the thing to .5 miles the machine would just laugh at me.   Cocky machine don't make me go all Sarah Conner on you.   I kept the 6 mile an hour pace, I figured I could keep that up for a little bit.  I managed to get to .3 miles before I had to slow down.  I don't think I'm in as bad as shape as I was before I started working at Trion, since I have been playing dodge ball on break for the past few months.  I am running in bear feet, which Wendy says is weird.  Maybe I should wear shoes but I feel more comfortable on bear feet than anything at the moment.  Maybe I'll change my mind once I trip and rip my toe off.  Until then I'll just keep up with what I am comfortable with.  So now I am going to try and keep myself motivated by the simple little thing that Day 9 from Day9tv said on a recent cast of his show.  "I'm not here because I'm better or more knowledgeable than any of you out there,  I got here because I just showed up."  So from now on I'm just going to show up on that treadmill every day.

I might know when to shut up.

     Right before heading to work this morning, since I usually show up an hour early.  I was reading a post on a friend's facebook.  She's not what I would call a close friend, just one of those people you met in high school and she sent me a friend request and has yet to really interact with me. Nothing I post ever gets comments or likes from her, I don't really care I'm just trying to establish how our interactions on facebook go, if you could call one side completely ignoring the other an interaction.  Anyway I will put my snide and witty comments under her status updates on occasion.  Nothing too inflammatory or not from my my perspective.  She hasn't unfriended me yet and no one has posted angry comments in response to my "jokes." This morning amused me.
     She has posted a long update of how life was like a roller coaster bla bla bla... at the end of the statement it was just "I'm happy with where mine is going."  I was hoping for something more profound maybe something more cheery.  I mean yeah I'm glad your happy, but that just that same kind of self service shit people post on their facebook all the time about look how good I have it.  And since I'm a pretty slow reader thanks to dyslexia when I read someone's long status post if it doesn't make me laugh or offer some bit of knowledge or cheer me up at the end I'm going to feel cheated and I'm going to say something.   I know what am I thinking something profound on facebook.   I'm in no way trying to belittle the girls intellect she's a smart girl. I've not seen a post like this from her before which is why is stuck out so much.
     I proceeded to say that I was expecting something more profound at the end of it, so I added my own sentence at the end.  That although grim it made me feel better.  "The sudden stop at the end will cause whiplash, but you'll be able to look back at the amazing ride it's been."  Yes I do mention that you're going to die at the end of your ride. That is something that has become readily apparent too me now since the deaths in my family have come so close together so quickly and not all to older people you would naturally expect to die.  So maybe I'm a little more world worn when it comes to death than a few people around me.
    In pops in a friend of hers that I don't know, she quotes something from a blog she once read not stating who's blog it was so, basically she's not giving credit to the author which is something people do on the internet.  The comment is again an analogy to the roller coaster and life, it isn't very good.  I state that I still like what I said better.  Then it kind of dawns on me.  I post again, stating that life would suck to be like a roller coaster.  The idea that everything you do is already on a preset path is awful.  Nothing you do is going to matter and it's not going to change.  I would much rather make the analogy that life was like life on the open seas.  The same concept of being on the roller coaster ups, downs, calm seas, rough seas.  Yet you could go anywhere you wanted.  And if you didn't keep your ship together when the storms hit, it can be brutal.
     I thought that was pretty good.  So then I left for work feeling pretty good about myself.  Then as I thought about it, I realized that what I did could be considered rude.  Which is how it dawns on me that what I did could be considered rude.  I takes me at least an hour of pondering to go "Oh hey, you're kind of an asshole."  I said to myself as I was getting out of my car "I wonder if anyone thinks I'm an asshole." I laughed and restated since I know there are plenty of people that know I'm an asshole.  "I wonder if anyone who reads those posts, thinks I'm an asshole."
   It wouldn't really bother me, it just struck me as amusing this morning that once again after years of this kind of behavior, I think what I am saying is amusing, but really it is just me being a jerk to some one.  I do that more often than I realize and when I do realize it, I can't but just continue to laugh.  Maybe its out of embarrassment maybe it's just because I don't care.  "I'm not in this for the revolution sweetheart and I'm not in it for you princess I expect to be well paid."

Ian Serna

I probably would be just as awestruck.

     I've not done one of these in a while.  Guess just all the work and such I've not been able to keep my mind on track long enough to write things down.  Maybe I just didn't feel the inspiration to write anything.  Well this morning I did.  Just like typical mornings go lately it involved me waking up, taking a shower, making some coffee, then sitting down to my computer to check email, do a daily quest, and read updates on facebook and the like.  What really got me thinking about how much I've taken those last few things for granted are.
     Last night, just for the sake of finding something to watch on Netflix I watched a documentary on the start of video games.  I got to see the same history of video games I knew before, but it suddenly struck me, the people who crated the technology we are now using, as they were making it.  I think they had a little bit of an idea of what they could do with it.  I don't think they even could fathom however what has been done with it.  The ability to manipulate an object on a screen back in the early days was amazing.  Now we don't even bother to think about how a mouse on our computer screen works. Or even the fact that I am typing on a thin bit of plastic and words are appearing on a screen.  Then when I press the publish post button, it is sent out all over the world for people to read.  I didn't have to ink up a printing press, and place letters in a plate, run the press, cut the paper and walk around town and get people to read this by handing them a physical object.  No you are look at this as it appears on your screen as liquid crystals cool and heat to display the images of words.  You got this from the transition of little electrical signals that turn on and off representing 1's and 0's of logic.
     As I looked at my email today I had an invitation to play the beta test of a game that I was interested it.  I didn't sign up to be asked to play that beta test.  Somewhere in this vast information superhighway we call the internet, my preferences were discovered and my email address was used and I was sent an invite.  Nothing is completely anonymous.  Everything you do on the web is connected to you.  I am not saying this to be freak you out with conspiracy propaganda or anything of the like.  I am not saying being so hooked into the web is amazing.  The data we place on the web of our likes and dislikes are essentially making the web, a best friend that knows everything about you.  Yes the information is something advertisers can use to manipulate and sell you products.  I have new for you, if they can tell what you like from just the information you posted on the web about yourself, then chances are the things they are going to try and sell you are things you are probably going to buy anyway even if they didn't place it right in your face.
     Last night as I was falling asleep watching the same few channels I subscribe too on youtube, I decided I liked the music that was playing in the background, low and behold she had included the title of the song in the description of the video.  Suddenly, I am looking up the artist and going through other songs they have posted on the youtube.  Then this morning, I find myself on my amazon player, downloading selected songs from the artist.  It is something we take for granted almost every day in this time.  I heard music that I liked from some one miles and miles from me.  I looked it up on this tiny magical box that is not connected to anything.  I it use as a phone, and more often a clock to tell me what time it is and what time to wake up. Now in the morning I am purchasing that music that I listen too on it.
     I guess what this is really about is, holy shit technology it has become so easy to reach information that it is hard to imagine that people will still hold such limited and ignorant views of the world.  I can see the reasons though.  Among the wealth of information there is a torrent of distractions and misinformation.  It is easy to become confused, you don't have any credit or way to verify most of the information you get on the internet.  I like to think that I can spot the bullshit from rest.  I am not going to say I always can.
     This is just me having a sudden realization.  As meaningless as I feel when I look up at the stars the things that we have accomplished so far as a young species still strike me as amazing.