Would my apathy make me evil?

Over the past weekend there was much crying and mourning over the victims in the shooting in Colorado.  Not the first time this kind of thing has happened in Colorado, maybe there is something in the water up there.  Anyway, there is all this yelling and crying about it being a horrible evil event.  There is many people talking about how sad the situation is, and there is much analyses over why the individual did what he did.  There are people who start crying for gun control.  There are people who defend that guns are not the cause.  Though my stance is just not to own a gun, so I simply chose not to take a side on that debate about gun control.  I don't hunt I don't feel the need to own a gun. 

     What is really bothering me is the lack of feelings I have.  I don't feel any kind of empathy for those people who have lost their loved ones.  This is odd because I can relate to what they are feeling.  I just don't really care.  It also makes me a little annoyed at how people are going to capitalize on this kind of thing.  Be it political or other gains people will jump on the opportunity to take something away from this.  Maybe a film or something like that will be made; much like my rant about the World Trade Center film, which did very poorly in the box office. 

    It is hard for me to think of this to be any worse than the 100s of people that are getting killed in other countries.  It is just something that happens in our country there is a public outcry to do something.  Meanwhile in other countries war lords are making child armies. Here in America it is at first taken as some kind of cause to get behind, and by that people clicked the "like" button. On their computer screen while sitting in their air conditioned room, probably listening to the latest pop song and drinking a soda.  Some people realized the utter ridiculousness of the concept of thinking that clicking a "like" button isn't going to change the world.  When that was realized the movement became a joke that, people would poke fun of the people too ignorant to realize their "like" vote is meaningless.  Then the activist that started the movement was found naked in the street.  Rendering his campaign less than creditable, this is now quickly forgotten. 

    Should I feel any more compassion for these people who died in my country than I do to the thousands of others that I don’t?  Saying this kind of thing is probably going to make me less than popular with people.  I just can put on a sad face this kind of thing when there is other suffering all around the world. 

      Americans are a very privileged type of society; I am not saying I am above that kind of privileged life.  I'm sure I am just as sheltered as the rest of the people in America.  The daily horrors that people in other countries are something I don't live with.  Who would wish to inflict that kind of suffering on them willingly and not have some kind of agenda in mind.  There are very few selfless acts.  Everyone has made choices with their own interests in mind. 

    This guy decided to drop out of his PhD program and then go to a packed theater and shoot a bunch of people.  I'll throw my own theory in there with the rest of the people coming up with reasons.  He didn't do it because he was crazy, he didn't do it because he wanted to hurt people.  He did it because his life felt empty and as if it didn't have a meaning.  He did it to become infamous.  He is now; he's added himself to the history books.  As fleeting as such a thing is fame.  People what to have it.   The impact of his actions has not really taken hold of him at the moment.  If it ever does maybe he's already thought about the reactions to such a crime.  Maybe he had hoped to be killed in the altercation, maybe he surrendered without a fight because he just wanted to spend the rest of his life in quiet solitude. 

     Seeking the death penalty for this crime is very likely, the problem I feel with that is, it really is letting him get away easy with his actions.  He'll never really grow old enough to understand what it is he has taken from those victims.  To lose your life, while a scary thought once it's gone you don't really care anymore.  To lose the life of someone you cared for is a whole different kind of feeling.   There is more to the code of Hammurabi than people realize. 

     Is there something wrong with the way I function as a human that feeling sad for a total stranger is foreign to me.  I deal with tragedy in my own life by making a joke or trying to add levity to a otherwise serious situation because that is how a feel the best way to deal with it is.  Dwelling on the sadness is something you might have to do but wallowing in it is something I can't do.  I'd much rather laugh than cry about something.   This really makes me look like an asshole when I crack jokes about not having to spend money on Father’s Day.  Or saying there's more food to go around the Thanksgiving table or that I don't have gifts to get on my sister's birthday, oh wait my girlfriend has the same birth date! Dammit, well can't win them all.

     What I am basically saying is, just because I don't care, doesn't mean I don't understand. Try not to get too upset over my lack of tears and expressed sadness for this kind of thing.  I probably step on a lot of people toes and piss in a lot of people's cheerios with this kind of outlook on life, but I can't change the way my feelings work.   You hate me because I'm a scoundrel.

Ian Serna