Maybe I wouldn't care enough to talk about this.

     This is a touchy subject and I'm sure there might be some people who read this and get angry.  Let me start by saying, I don't support rape, I'm not here to defend or justify the actions of people who commit such a crime.  I am only stating that I believe this case in Steubenville, Ohio, has more to it than evil boys raped and innocent girl.  

     This really isn't normaly something I feel I need to say anything about.  This case was highly publicized due to the social media involved with it.  Which goes to show that the stupidity of the actions of the parties involved was paramount. Right now the website I choose to frequent www.Imgur.com is all a buzz about how the media is showing that we live in a rape cultured society.  Like it or not, since evolution made man larger and stronger than women, there is going to be rape.  I'm not saying that I condone this behavior, I'm stating there are going to be men out there that use their superior size and strength to take advantage of women, and men in cases.  Rape was not invented yesterday.  I'm sure it has been around for a long time.  The way we handle these cases however is coming under much scrutiny.  I agree the system needs to be changed to reflect the severity of rape.  You see there are degrees of murder, because we all agree there are different levels of it. The same can pretty much be said for all criminal acts.  Rape, has the possibility to be very cut and dry.  Man invades a home, sees a woman, attacks that woman and rapes her.  That is easy.  Now same situation, Man invades a home, sees a woman, attacks that woman, woman stops the man and asks, would he wear a condom before he does this?  Man stops his actions and puts on a condom.  Now did she consent to sex by asking for him to use contraception?  Maybe not, it is still forced sexual contact, but since the woman was able to apply some terms to the act, it wasn't as simple as Rape. 

      It is difficult to litigate such a perspective driven crime.  Some times, men are accused of rape when what they thought they were doing was consensual.  There is suddenly two groups, people that believe the man was not aware he was committing and act of rape, and people that think he is lying and believe he attack the woman. With no witnesses in some cases, it comes down to her word against his.  Some times physical evidence can prove sexual contact, but not forced sexual contact.  Other times it is clear the woman was forced. Some times the accusation is completely unfounded.  I recount a case in which my ex-wife's uncle was in the military.  He hand been turning down the advances of a subordinate female, after turning her down for the last time.  He was called into his CO's office and told that he hand been accused of raping the woman he had turned down.  He knew this was untrue, and said to his CO's "That woman is lying, because I'm gay."   The CO believed him, because at the time being gay in the military was worse than rape.  Sorry to admit something like that, but it was.  The perspective of the people involved, and the factors in the situation surrounding the act are very important.

     In this case, in Steubenville, two teenage boys have been convicted of raping an unconscious drunk girl.  Which is quite disturbing, and wrong, and very sick of them to do that.  I agree that it was rape. Although, I believe that it is not just the boys that can be at fault here.  This is the point a view that I am taking that caused quite and uproar from the Imgur community.  This group of teenagers were supplied alcohol by whom I don't know. I can't seem to find that detail in the case. There were several girls and boys drinking this party.  The victim, as per testimony of her friend said that she had the reputation for getting too drunk.  After the girl had had more than enough to drink and was lying on the floor laughing,  Her friend left her at that party.  Suddenly a girl who was known to be a black out drunk was ditched by her friend.  Blame can be placed upon her friend for knowing she was in danger yet leaving her there anyway.  Blame can be given to the adults that provided this alcohol to these teenagers. Where were the parents for these kids?  I asked that to the Imgur community, and was told that parents can't hover over kids to protect them.  True, but their parents could tell their sons, don't touch a girl that is unconscious. Because it is called rape and rape is a very bad thing.  It may seem kind of condescending but at least they have they now knowledge that what is going on is wrong.  The girl's parents, did they ask the kinds of questions that really should be asked.  

"Where is this party?" "Who is going to be at this part?" "Is there going to be alcohol at this party?" "You call when you get there, and when you are leaving." 

These are the things all parents should be saying and asking their children.  

     Blame can be given to the victim.  This is what really sets people off.  I get "yelled" at by the Imgur community: 

"VICTIM BLAMER YOUR PIECE OF SHIT RAPIST! YOU ARE JUST AS BAD A THEM! VICTIM BLAMER!" "It is no one's job not go get raped." 

    

     This last statement I agree with.  Although putting yourself in a high probability situation and being shocked when it happens isn't smart either.  It is not anyone's job not to get hit by a drunk driver.  It happens though. You can take precautions to avoid it.  Not driving late at night, or during holidays. There is always the risk, and it happens. You can take precautions to avoid being raped.  She did not, no one forced this girl to get drunk; she had known previously that she had become black out drunk before.  She might have felt safe and comfortable with her friends there.  Though I don't think what she did was very wise, in fact what she did was down right stupid.  Rape is not her punishment, thought, it should never be. She should feel remorse for the actions she to that put here in that situation.  I used this analogy on the Imgur website which people misread into all up and down.  Of course I only have 140 characters per post to try and get my point across, so it is difficult to have some read your entire point before making a snap judgement.  

     The analogy is this:  This girl got black out drunk, in a room full of drunk teenage boys.  That is like walking into a cage full of hungry tigers and pushing a syringe full of morphine into your veins.  My point being that it is just an incredibly stupid situation to put yourself in.  Of course I get yelled at that, men aren't tigers, not all men are rape machines.  Yes that is true.  These are not men though they are teenage boys.  Horny as hell, drunk, teenage boys. They've already got hormones running rampant through their bodies.  Then they throw in alcohol, horny, impaired judgment, lack of inhibitions, teenage boys.  I don't know what you want to call their mental state at this point, but it isn't a grown man's.  Science has proven that the teenage brain is yet fully developed and their judgment is still impaired.  They might as well be hungry tigers.  Their baser drives is what was controlling their actions.  I doubt any teenager when drunk thinks rationally, or even about right and wrong.  Hell some adults have that difficulty.  What they did was not right, it was a horrible thing to do.  Weather they knew it at the time cannot be absolutely confirmed.  Their actions after the fact, proved that they didn't think what they did was horrible.  Bragging about it on the internet, posting tweets and pictures and even video of the act.  Just proves what idiotic mind frame these kids were in.  No doubt that what happened to this girl was awful.  It should never happen to anyone. 

      Though the situation I find troubling is the conviction itself.  These boys deserved to be punished, that is clear, severely punished.  Though, there should be a degree of rape taken into this case.  Drunk teens, in a group, would provide a mob mentality, the urge to appease the group you are in will influence your actions.  What these boys did was stupid and wrong, but I don't believe they understood what they did.  Their actions might have appeared dream like and unreal.  Their bragging and euphoria after the act prove that what they thought they did was thrilling did not understand that what they did was criminal. They should be charged as rapists, but given the alcohol, and age of them, I think there should be some stipulations place on this.  Rather that marking them for the rest of their lives with this act,  I think there should be some kind of probation that allows this to be set aside after enough time, by determination of a judge of course. The things you do as a teenager in this day in age, when they are given far to many privileges in my opinion, could really not be the person they are in 10 years or 15 years.  Living with the label of a sex offender for 15 years is awful, given that time to reflect and understand what they did could be enough.  After that time, it is left up to a judge to review their behavior over that time to see if they have changed their ways, and determine to extend it to another 15 years. After that time, the review of a judge can either remove the label, or set it pertinently.  That is just my opinion.  I felt the need to express it.  Thank you for reading.

Would it be normal Funny?

      Once again Wendy has inspired me to think about myself.  Pointing out something that is strange about me.  I don't think it is that strange.  I think it might be uncommon but I can't be the only one that has my perspective.

      Last night I decided to watch a few Horror movies,  I like to do it by myself, because for some reason I find that watching them with other people is uncomfortable.  Mainly because of my reactions to them, as Wendy stated, "Ian funny." If you were to hear me watching a horror movie, you may mistake me as watching a comedy.   Since about the age of say 15 or 16 I rarely get scared at the films, I end up laughing most of the time.   I don't know why, but I've found horror flicks to be more laughable than scary. Might it be that I able to separate that fact that this is make believe, and not reality.  I think it might be that my commons stress reaction is to laugh or make a joke, and I am actually scared but I start to laugh instead.  I have felt scared a number of times, were my adrenaline is racing and I feel the flight or fight response pull at me, but those have been situations where I was not watching a film I was experiencing real life.  Each time I felt that, I knew I was going to fight.  The moment passed however, and nothing came of it.  I was expecting the worst and nothing happened.

       I remember being very young, and being scared of Gremlins.  I must have been around 4 or 5, they scared be because of their toothy appearance, and how in the film they seemed to be hiding everywhere.  As I got older I realized they were just puppets and nothing to be scared of.  Mostly because of the words of my father.  "That's not real, if you need to be scared of anything be scared of me, because I'm real and I'll beat your ass if you don't go to sleep."  My father was a loving and caring person.  He cut right through the bullshit and gave me the logical reasoning that made me realize, he was correct.  Since than I've not been scared at films.  That by no means I don't have a "Jump" response. I'm not a master of my autonomic nerves so when you make me jump it is a reaction that I have no control over.  Startling me is going to get the same reaction as anyone.  Except since I know my fight or flight response is fight, I might punch you.
   



      I told Wendy that I found something funny about the films I was watching last night.  Her response was "Is it normal person funny, or is it Ian funny."  I didn't know what she meant so I asked her to clarify.  "You're evil and so, what you find funny isn't what normal people find funny."  I'll give her that, I've been called evil be a lot of people.  I'm still really interested in what level definition of evil I am.  I try not to really think about it,  I can't say I don't feel a small amount of pride at being called evil.  I often have a bit of empathy for the villains in films.  I digress, I described the scene of the film and why I found it funny, she said it was 'Ian funny' and not normal person funny.  I didn't press the matter I simply thought about it.  Maybe I would look a little out of place in a theater if I was laughing out loud at the situation, as I was in the bedroom.
     The two films I watched were V/H/S and Paranormal Activity 3.  I had seen, the first two Paranormal Activities, so after watching V/H/S I watched the 3rd one.  V/H/S because of the recommendation of my friend Chris.  It was actually fairly amusing, instead of being a single film with a tired plot, it was a collection of short films all "found footage" of the events that happen to a group of different random young people.  The found footage has become kind of a popular medium for the horror film industry.  I suppose it is because it adds a little bit more believe-ability to the concept.  I've learned to ignore the shaky cam effects.  I spend more time trying to time when the "scares" are going to happen, and I try and look to where the directer is trying not to make you look. Not to avoid the scare, but to see something, I might have missed.  I know where the scare is coming from because every horror film forces your perspective.  I try to go against the perspective.  It is just some thing I've got into a habit of for most of my life.  Don't look at the picture in front of you look around or past it.
    I suppose that is something that keeps me from being normal.  I'm sure it is something that has helped me with the jobs that I go for.  I hope it keeps me looking for what isn't there and finding something that may not be normal but is still interesting.  Maybe I'm just talking myself up, and I'm just a freak.  Who cares, you like me because I'm a scoundrel.
      Ian Serna

I wouldn't have to think about my personality

     I was given a question to think about the other day.  I've thought a bit about it, but since I can't seem to quite place my finger on an exact reason I thought trying to work it out by writing it out my help.  I was asked, why happened to me that made me so mean, sarcastic, and selfish.  I thought about it for a while and my logic seemed rather secular.  I've been an internet "Troll" since before the term was even invented.  I would comment on forums, pointing out peoples mistakes not in spelling or grammar which I myself and horrible at.  More like flawed ideas or logical thinking.  I would also go into chat rooms and make sarcastic remarks to people.  Which is hard to understand because unlike vocal communication sarcastic resonance is not registered in text.   I've been this way for as long as I can remember, I would crack wise to adults, and other kids.  I'm not sure what the adults thought of it.  I am sure the kids didn't quite understand what I was saying.  I would either have to explain it, or they would just not like me for being strange.  I try and think about what made me like this.  Maybe it was the Calvin and Hobbes books I read as child.  The wise cracking child intelligent beyond his years but still lacking in wisdom to understand make believe is not without its consequences when applied to real life applications.  Those books might have been a factor.  I have this strange habit of adopting the characteristics of people a admire. People can always tell when I am reading Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy again, because my writing style becomes that of many non sequitur tangents and strange sentence flow,  just like the writing style of Douglas Adams. A similar effect happens with much House MD, currently I am exposing myself, probably too much, to The Big Bang Theory and have started pointing out flawed logic and simple mistakes.  Normal people would either not notice them, or wouldn't bother pointing them out. The mistakes essentially don't affect the outcome of the message.

    It maybe that I have a desire to be liked, but the things that I find to be likable in a character such as Gregory House, or Sheldon Cooper, are in a sense likable because their actions are scripted with peoples reactions in a universe that finds them to be tolerable people.  If I treated people that way all the time in real life, I would soon find myself without many friends.  Which has happened before.  The problem with this is I was acting this way before those characters were known to me.  Their presents merely enhanced the actions.

 Maybe it has to do further back in my childhood.  I was the middle child of a family of 5.  Feeling so invisible as to this day my mom thinks my younger sister was the middle child.  Which is not true, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.  4 is not in the middle of this, granted she likes to point out that their first born was 8 years apart from their second child, but that makes little difference to me.  If anything my older brother took even more attention away from me than  if he were only 4 years older than me.  His actions to this day are still given prime attention by my mother.  It baffles me that some one could be so much like that, even as old as he is he still seems to be acting like he was only 18.  The point here is that I found that staying quite would allow me to avoid being scolded for misbehavior, and that making jokes would get me attention by laughter.  Even if they were cruel jokes, the subject would not find it funny but the rest of my family would.  Here in lies what I think to be the catalyst to my behavior. I've been told that I can't act like that.  I need to be nice and polite and respectful to others.  The truth of the matter is, I have the great feeling of insincerity when I offer a compliment to people, especially people I already care for.   I feel as if I am forced to say it. I will have no problem offering a compliment some one I don't know, because I am trying to gain their friendship.  I tend to be very quite among people I need to get to know.  It has been that way for a very long time,  Once I feel comfortable around a new person I am able to talk.  Once that I am comfortable and I will make jokes, that are sarcastic, or mean.  I don't know why, I have no reason to be mean to them but that is how I feel my way to express my feelings toward that person.  Much like the little boy hitting the girl that he likes on the playground.  I seem to have modified that from being a physical act to a verbal act.  I'm sure a psychologist would give me a more detailed analysis of that act.  That still leaves me with why I am the way I am.  It is hard to change that fact about me.  I have tried to improve my actions by saying "Thank You" to people.  It is forced, each time I have to go through a mental process of, "This person did something for your, the appropriate way to act is gratitude,  look at them and smile.  Now say Thank you."  All social niceties for me are difficult to express, I am often seen as rude or a snob.  This may sound strange, but it is exactly what I have to think about before I am able to express them.  Nearly every time.  I'm not intentionally rude, I just don't seem to have automated manor.  I know my mom and dad taught us manors.  Though even as a child I didn't look as adult as superiors I thought of them more as equals.  What would be considered being disrespectful to my teachers would be when I would call them by their first name.  The only teacher that explained that to me, suddenly had my most respect.  Robert Denison, said "I am Mr. Denison, my first name is Robert, which adults can use.  Until that time that you graduate, and you become an adult, you call me Mr. Denison, as soon as you graduate you can call me Robert.   It made sense to be, I respected that wish.  I've called other teachers by their first names, not out of disrespect but it simply grabs their attention faster than calling them Mr. or Mrs. whatever, maybe it was disrespectful I'm really bad a judging that kind of thing.  I've even called aunts and uncles by their fist names, removing the aunt and uncle title.  I always get odd looks when I do that.  

   I think this helped me understand a little better the way I act.  It really didn't give me any epiphanies as to how to change that behavior or why I act that way.  It would be nice to be a regular polite person.  Than again my personality is what makes me, me.  If I were a nicer guy and didn't use humor, satire and sarcasm to express my emotions I wouldn't be Ian.  I certainly would be a scoundrel.  You like me because I'm a scoundrel.


Ian Serna

I could just sit in a bar and wait for the jobs to come to me.

     So, being jobless, like all the rest of so many other people today. I was a bit depressed when I lost my job not two months after moving to Austin. Then I was shocked when I was suddenly picked up as a QA tester for Trion Worlds. I was so far one of the most enjoyable jobs I had. Right up there with working at the Starbucks I worked at. The work, although it was work, didn't feel like work. Everything I did was enjoyable. Granted people can say, well it's because you're playing a video game. People who've never done that type of work kind of look at it through rose colored glasses. It is work and the game is less fun when you are not playing it for enjoyment but for testing, you have to keep eye on not losing yourself in a game but pay attention to all the things that could be wrong with the game. To keep a fresh look on what a person who has never played this game before will think of it is a difficult task. After playing it for over a year you take things that you know about if for granted and you look past some of the flaws because you know there way around them becoming a hassle to deal with. It is the work I have enjoyed the most from all the different types of jobs I have had. The testing of ways to break gaming programs is something that I would be willing to do for 80 hours a week if they would let me. I am sure my health would suffer if I had to do that but, I don't think I would ever get tired of that job. I am sad that it is no longer what I am doing, and I have been unsuccessful in looking for a new Gaming QA job.
       It was helpful that right after I was let go Wendy and I went on a vacation. for the first few days it was all I could think about was, what am I going to do for a new job and it was really getting me down. By Tuesday of that week I had stopped thinking about that and just relaxed and enjoyed myself. I had put in for unemployment before we left on the trip and I had lots of things too fill out when I got back. I've bee checking job listings on line and updating my resume on those job hunting sites. It is weird that It feels like I am doing very little in finding a job, simply filling out applications on line, takes about 3 hours tops of the day, and the rest of the time I sit around and think about what I can do with myself. I guess I'll start cleaning the house. It feels really easy to get discouraged to keep looking for a job when you don't hear back from places. It only took me about a month too find a job after the contract with Point Serve ended.  I have this feeling like it is not going to be as easy.  Maybe I'll find a seasonal job for the holidays, I don't know.  I hope Wendy doesn't get frustrated with me.  I would rather not be looked at as some bum just living off of her work.  Some times she makes me feel that way even when I was working.  I can only do what I can a home for now, which is clean and cook dinner for her.  I hope that is enough to keep her from kicking me out and finding someone who has a job.   I'm not trying to say that Wendy would do that sort of thing, it is just one of the things I fear of happening.  If I get the motivation if I haven't found a job after a while maybe I'll try and be an extra in some kind of commercial or film.  I think I said it back in a previous post that some one told me I have a good look for that.  Every one likes to stare that the big scary "injun."  I know that do it all the time when I go anywhere as it is.  Maybe I should contact my friend William and see if I can help him with this film.  I'm not sure which skills I have that he'll find useful but who knows I'm pretty good at anything I set out to do.  If I had the spare cash maybe I'll set up a forge in my backyard and make little bits of crap to sell on Etsy or something like that.  Oil myself up and pound on some iron in the back yard while Wendy takes pictures. That'll get the ladies buying shit. I'm joking I doubt that will take off.
      I'm just writing this too keep up with my postings,  I don't really want to go months without posting anything I will too try and make this a habit I can keep up with.  I am already slacking on my running in the mornings because I cut my foot on the bottom of the gulf when I was swimming in Mexico.  I'm waiting for it to finish healing,  It as stopped hurting but I'll give it a few days before I start up with that again.  If I don't I'll hope that some of the people that read this will pester me about it so I start up again.  I'd do that same for you.  Honestly I have no idea how many people actually do read this.  I would think it is kind of boring since it is really just be going on and on about the crap in my life.  It isn't like I am talking about the amazing things I do everyday like fight dragons and rescue virgins from the clutches of evil elephants.  Don't fool yourself those elephants are fucking evil,  If you don't think they are, it will be too late before you see the trunk coming down.
      I digress, this has probably gone on long enough, I'm not going to include any pretty pictures from the trip.  Maybe I'll save that for a new post.  They wouldn't really go here very well anyway, this is just me trying to vent about looking for a job.  I'll title the next one something about wretched hives of scum and villainy I have have visited and just post all the pictures I have taken with my pretty new camera.  I still have to figure out how I am going to get Christmas presents for people when I've got no cash flow,  Looks like everyone is getting cookies made for them.  Cookies and Fry bread for Everyone!  Just send me your mailing address and I'll send you some cookies and fry bread, for Christmas.  That will get you lurkers who read my posts but never comment out of the wood work!  You like me because I'm a scoundrel.
    Ian.

Hello everyone this is post is written after I have been laid off from Trion Worlds. I worked for them for a year, it really was the most fun I have had in a year. The people I have worked with and the ones I have have had a chance too meet have been amazing. I really hope to be with them again some day. Sadly I was let go because I was no longer necessary. I don't hold any ill will with anyone that was involved with the project, I only wish I could have given more to the project than I was able to. Trion Wolds was a great company to work for. Much better than the other gaming companies that I have worked for, I only wish them the best and that they are able to put out more quality games. I really wish there was me to say over this but for the life of me I can't recall any depth of character. I will remember in the songs of the the ones that have come after me.

I could never be the center of the universe.

     With the hurricane hitting the east coast of the US right now.  Specifically New York.  I've noticed that if not for the ability to communicate outside of yelling distance. It would seem to the people in the effected area that the whole world was experiencing this storm.  Before the ability to communicate rapidly across great distance, it would seem like every natural disaster was happening to the entire world.  This mind set can be seen all over.

      Generally most films are based in a city, where the events take place, and the person is immersed into a world where nothing outside of that area exists.  It is easier for the person to follow this kind of story, it is also easier for the write to write the story without confusing the reader.  If it is happening in that area nothing that is happening outside of that area matters.  It is pouring rain in that area it is pouring rain on the world.  If a food shortage is happening in that area it is happening to the rest of the world.   Maybe that food shortage is due to lack of access to your area, roads, rails, or shipping is unable to reach you.  Meanwhile a few 100 miles away there are people sitting down to and over indulgent lunch.  The rain is pouring in sheets but 200 miles away in California there are people sunning on the beach.
     It is the stories that I find most interesting when the story is not so centrally focused as to blur the outside world out of existence.  Where you find yourself not just interested in a single set of characters interacting but several different stories happening in the same world, with different stets of characters interacting with one another and across those smaller stories into the larger story as a whole.  These types of stories give me the most intrigue.  I experienced this the first time with Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back.  There multiple stories happening at once, and then coming together to finish have always given me a better experience than just a single story following a linear path. This is what the world is like every single day.  Maybe these stories don't come together but they are happening all around us.

       It is that philosophy that at the moment that you no longer see what is going on it no longer exists.  I find myself at times of being alone, that I think about what else is going on around me.  Some one some where is getting into a car accident, some one has just purchased a new TV and are really excited about it.  Some one just burnt themselves on a bit of food that just took out of a microwave.  This line of that that all around you people are doing things you do every day, makes me feel like part of something, as insignificant as our existence is to the universe as a whole.  Knowing that you are part of a larger happening is almost inspirational.  As you read this right now, think about the people working that power the website, as you sit in your chair think about the person who designed and build that chair,  Some working in China, most likely. Not that that I am going to start some political high horse of where we get our goods from.  Think about the person working at the power plant that is allowing you to do all the things you need to work. 

      The thought of the millions  of little stories that go on every single day, even while you are sleeping or doing nothing.  There are people contributing to even allow you to be that sedentary.   It is not something most people think about on a regular basis.  When you start to think about it though it is a bit humbling.  You are not worthless you are part a greater whole.  Something you do is going to effect someone else.  Even the bums on the street, they server a purpose.  They might serve as a deterrent to never give up on what you are doing so you don't end up like them.  They may inspire you to help out the less fortunate.  We are all connected some way or another.  You just have to stretch out to the idea of chaos theory to find connections to the most isolated people, the ones in Africa, the ones in South America.  I'll not get into that kind of connection but it there.

First World Problems

     Now there is a large concentration of people on the east coast of the United States.  It is defiantly going to make an impact in those who's lives are effected by the clash of weather that is happening.  It is cool and sunny here in Central Texas, nothing prefect weather actually, but everyone on the east coast thinks that the weather everywhere is horrible, because they are focused on their own narrow bubble of existence   I am in no way trying to call these people narrow minded.  I am simply pointing out that the idea everyone constantly never looks past their on narrow view of the world.  I am sure this exist all around the world but I know that Americans are particularly susceptible to this.  It has to do with our culture of everyone for themselves, which may appear to be weakness but if fact is hidden strength.  When one person is trying to do all the work it is in fact weak, but when you take many of those people, put a common goal of to achieve that, where they are all striving to do there best at reaching that goal, the team effort will take over.  Everyone individuality wants to be the best so the compete inside that team to be the best, all pushing each other to achieve that goal.  That is capitalism at it's finest.  I can go dark, when sabotage happens inside that in order to be the best, but I digress.  

Haiti

     At the moment everyone is looking to the east coast, maybe a lot of people don't realize that Hawaii is about about to be hit by a tsunami.  I am sure everyone in Hawaii is well aware of this fact but there are people in the east coast right no that couldn't give two shits about that.  Why should they what his happening to the is what is directly more important to their quality of life, not what his happening on a remote island thousands of miles from them.  We also have a very short memory of things that happen all over the world.  We hardly think of anything that happened in Haiti or Japan that crippled those countries.  They are still repairing the damage.  No one thinks about it anymore, hell aren't we still building the Trade Center, that was 11 years ago.  Never forgetting something is actually unhealthy, it is part of the healing process to let go of the feelings and memories of the events.  Reliving them is what they call P.T.S.D. now.  

Joy and Pain

     The next time you think your life is miserable, or that nothing is going right for you, think about the billions of people all over the world, realized that you are 1 among them,  that no matter how bad you feel at the moment, some one just lost their child to a disease, someone just got a promotion, someone just found out they are pregnant.  I'm not saying this to belittle your own problems or rewards in life, I am saying this to let you know that there is a world outside your life, that cares about as much for you as you care for it.  Keep your eyes open to everything around you, and realize everyone is human. Everyone suffers and everyone knows joy.  No one is immortal.

being timeless would keep me in shape.

     The funniest thing about people I have noticed is that they expect the people on film to stay looking the same for the rest of their lives.  It is most noticeable in a film that has been ingrained into your cultural psyche like Star Wars.  None of the actors that were in that film back in 1977 look the same as they did.  People see Carrie Fisher now, and think "What happened to you?!"  Well that's easy, time happened to her.  Granted there are people that choose to deny their own natural aging like Joan Rivers and Cher.  They end up looking like some strange kind of doll.  Granted she doesn't look her age, but she doesn't look normal either. It comes down to taking care of yourself.  I'm not that old by any stretch of the idea, maybe I'm just at the point when I think that I should probably be taking better care of myself, and I think about the fact that I'm too old be become any good a gymnastics.  Not that it is something I ever really wanted to do but I look at the people that can do things like that and I feel a bit envious.

Joan Rivers 1960

    I am however young enough to get into shape, and perhaps gain a bit of muscle mass.  I'm already a big guy, from the perspective of what others have told me.  When I was 18, I was very fit, being in both swimming and marching band.  Now I feel like I could be keeping in better shape than I am.  I've gained 60 lbs. since high school.  Maybe that isn't a lot for some people, but the idea of breaking the 300 lb barrier makes me feel fat.  I'm not trying to demean anyone's struggles with weight.  I'm just stating my own feelings about my weight.  As I said in post a few months ago, I was going to start running.  That plan fell a bit behind because I was unable to find a routine to work into my week.  I think I have found one, and now I am ready to commit to it. 

     Enough about my plans to get into shape, what really made me want to write this is the notion of eternal beauty or youth.  It is the entertainment industry that helps add to this idea.  Once some one is on film they remain that age in people eyes for much longer than a real person normally would.  Carry Fisher has been 25 years old, dressed in that golden bikini for over 29 years.  All those nerds that saw her in it, which was filmed in the early 1980,  they see 

Joan Rivers 2012

her now and wonder what happened to the petty girl they had those fantasies about?  Well, she had children, she had a drug and alcohol problems, she went through depression.   They are all things that contribute to the aging and break down of a person's body.  There are a lot of Teens and 20-somethings that think they are going to be beautiful forever. I know I'm probably guilty in thinking that.  I just figured I always had time to turn things around.  It is a kind of downward spiral of laziness.   The more you feel like sitting on  your ass, the more you sit on your ass.  You gain weight you keep sitting on your ass because you don't want to put out the effort to move your ass.  Then you suddenly realized you're buying pants that are several inches larger than you'd ever thought you'd have to buy.  It hits you like this creepy epiphany, and you want to just magically go back to being 20. Then not fuck up that next 10 years.  You can't however, now you have to work that  idiotic mistake off. Well maybe that's just another adventure in this thing called life.

     The idea though of being stuck in time, the torture some actors must feel at seeing their younger selves,  The great shape they were in, the good looks they had, maybe that is why they feel that need to maintain that look.  The pressure to remain ageless,  to always look 26 years old at peak athletic ability. It must be painful.

     You're older then you ever were and now you're even older, and now you're even older, and now you're older still.  You're not going to be 23 again even though there is a beautiful film of you showing off your body.  Everyone who sees that film expects to see you looking like that when they meet you in person.  That is horrible to subject anyone to that.  If you don't look like then, people get mad at you they feel let down.  They think you are a failure for not maintaining the look you had, back when you were so young that nothing you did would really effect that look.  The thought of growing old it terrifying for some.  I would imagine.  women feel the most pressure, if they start out in the industry beautiful and were cast for being beautiful then as their looks fade, their talents as an actress must be even better than the fact they are no longer in Hollywood's narrow view of beauty.  It doesn't just happen to porn actresses, it happens to all of them.  As their looks fade and so do their presents on the screen.  Sigorney Weaver has stayed in the game for a while,  you can speculate on weather she has had any work done, chances are she has.  Her looks were not completely about being beautiful, and more about being strong and tough looking, while appearing vulnerable.
      Men, however get a bit of a break.  They can get older, their hair can turn grey, they can lose that look of youthfulness, and become "dignified."  They can't become fat though, once they gain wait, gain a belly or a double chin, they are done.  Val Kilmer has fall to this, young and beautiful for all those years, he got older.  I am not sure weather it was just becoming weary of maintaining his weight or if it was a medical condition that caused him to gain weight but, people are suddenly point out what a failure he is.

     The point I was trying to make when I see people who complain about how an actress or actor who use to be hot, that person lives in a bubble of time in which they think the actor must remain. They are just people, don't age and remain beautiful for their entire lives.  The actors you see on the screen are not gods they are regular people. If one could live inside that bubble of time, where you were always young and beautiful and fit, it would be great, but you'd have to be swinging off of Jabba's barge before it explodes for the rest of eternity, like groundhogs day.  After a while you'd just want to kill yourself because every day is exactly the same.  

Sorry no ninjas in this one. 

You like me because I'm a scoundrel,

          Ian