Short Tales

     So it has been a while since I've posted anything here.  Busy with life and things that seem more important.  But I have managed to get some writing in here and there at work.  I have been listening watching or more accurately listening to the YouTube channels that narrate the creepy pasta tales and scary stories posted on Reddit. On of the things that really amused me was the 1 sentence horror stories.  I thought I could try my hand at it.  I'm not good enough to create one with a single sentence but I did write a few down which are just a few sentences. Some of them aren't really horror more suspense or mystery but I like them.

     A few of these were written in my comedy journal, really just a writing journal I carry in my bag, I use it to jot down ideas for jokes, or just thoughts, random crappy ideas for stories.  Most of which don't go anywhere.  Like if I had the time or commitment to work on them I would turn them into novels, but I don't.  I digress, the best part about these tales is they are just blurbs, that don't need to go any further than they already have.  So I can post them as completed works.  Here we go.

•      She missed the last thing he said, it was caught in the wind as she stepped from the ledge

•      The first thing he wondered when he woke  up was "how much did I have to drink last night." The next thing he wondered was how he was going to hid her body.

• She lay on the park bench listening to the birds chirp.  The sun was setting and it grew darker around her, was that really the sun setting at 2:00 pm, or just her life leaving as the pills took hold.

•   She heard a snap of a twig behind her, she turned to look in that direction. There was nothing , the paranoia was only natural, her small female form alone in the woods.  She turned back and continued to feast on her latest victim.

• He looked into the mirror, examining the color of his eyes, looking closely at every detail in them,  It had been so long since he had taken a host with green eyes.

• He was stopped at the stop sign his bike rumbling as he put his foot down, the motor drowning out all other ambient sounds.  Out of the corner of his helmet, he saw shadows dancing in a jerking motion in the street lights.  He drove on ignoring it, The rev of the engine blocking out her cries for help as it faded into the darkness.

• She poured the wine into the glasses, checking over her shoulder to where he was in the living room.  She added the shining liquid to the glass on her left her hand trembling.  There was a sudden crash from the kitchen. She saw the cat had knocked over several items in the pantry.  She rushed over to scold it and pick up the mess.  As she turned back to see him handing her a glass with a smile on his face.

• Her mouth was dry and her feet hurt from the walking, the sun was beating down as the cicadas chattered away,   The light was so bright that all the shadows ere much deeper.  As she passed over the bridge she heard a splash in the shallow creek below.  She peered over the bridge to see what could have made it.  The deep shadows hid the view under the bridge, only the ripples in the water lapping at the banks could be seen.  As she leaned over to get a better look, all the sound of the chattering cicadas stopped.  The silence was abrupt and jarring, she looked around at the trees.  Soon she notices that the silence as complete.  No birds, No flowing creek, no foot steps as she turned around looking for the cause.  Only the splashing was audible.  She looked back for the source of the splashing, she saw it.  It was herself, her body was half in the creek half against a rock, her skull split open, her legs twitching in the water.  She stared at the sight, as the shadows grew deeper and spread around her, blocking out the light.

That's all I have done, let me know what you think, maybe I'm really bad at this, maybe I'm better than I think.  I'm just flexing that kind of creative muscle that needs to be flexed.  It's harder to get a moving tale in a shorter format than it is to write it out in a detailed novel.  Since all my story ideas end up going nowhere I figured these would be something I can say I completed. 

You like me because I'm a scoundrel

     Ian

I probably wouldn't think about this

History Channels new mini series

     Today, I was watching the new Preview of the Event Series on The History Channel called "Texas Rising"  In the preview, you see the events of the Alamo, and San Jacinto. Mostly though I saw lots of people fighting Native Americans.  Which is history, I know.  I mean I can accept that watching my cultural ancestry fight and lose on Television constantly, it is just something I've grown accustom to over the years.  This got me thinking, Is the United States the only country that constantly makes shows and films, glorifying the genocide of a culture?  Are there examples of this kind of film making in other countries, where the current dominating culture makes movies about how it systematically lied and dominated a culture?

Texas Rising Main Cast

     If I were a dedicated journalist I would probably make a more in depth look into this question but this blog is merely a hobby and just a place to throw my own thoughts up about the subject.  Basically an opinion page.  I'm not trying to change the world with this.  I am just merely thinking out loud.  What got me thinking was this preview.  Watching all these white men all clad in period western clothing, dirty and weathered like REAL MEN, and seeing all these Natives whooping and running around in their paint and one would hope cultural accurate dress.  I say that because I am very unsure of what the difference between a culturally accurate Native, and a "Hollywood Indian."  I'm far from knowledgeable of my own culture.  I grew up in white suburbia, hell my father wasn't even sure about his ancestors, he grew up thinking he was Mexican because it was safer to be Mexican than to be Native.  That is how suppressed and scared the U.S. government made the indigenous population.  Terrified of it's own identity, so much so that its parents would rather lie to their children about their origins, than admit to being the first people living on this land.

Extras for Texas Rising

   

     When I see Natives depicted on films it is always one of two ways.  Silent stoic and uncaring, dangerous.  This being when they are depicted as the "enemies" of the protagonists, or just and obstetrical that must be dealt with.  The other is, they misunderstood savage, the noble race that are really full of depth and knowledgeable, if only a white man is captured by them and force to live among them to see who they really are, If that white man goes back to his own culture He is sham
ed for being a sympathizer of the "enemy."  These kinds of films are rampant thru out all American cinema.  The cliche of  "white man to the rescue." Films like "Thundarheart," "Dances with Wolves," "The Last Samurai," and "Avatar." Granted these are not all specifically about Native Americans, but the premise is the same.

Graham Greene

     As much as I am afraid to admit it, due to his more recent remarks, Mel Gibson has actually been in and made films that I feel more comfortable how the Natives are depicted.  In films like Maverick, the character of Joseph, was smart and personable, he is treated like a regular human by Maverick, and even cheats the main character out of money.

Mel Gibson and Graham Greene

In his film Apacalypto, there are no white men until the very end.  It is a film that takes place before that whole mess started.  Which is something I would love to see more of.  Not films where white men save the culture by learning about it.  A film where one Nation fights of an invading Nation.  The real struggles that happened before the Europeans showed up on the continent.  Things that show of more of the culture in aspects of now how a white man can help theses people, more of how they don't need the help of white men to solve their issues.

Saginaw Grant and Loren Anthony 'Ridiculous Six.'

     With the resent walk off of several Natives from the Adam Sandler film that when in knowing full well it was suppose to be a satire of western films.  The jokes and disrespect toward the women portraying natives, cause many of the actors to leave the set sighting offence.  This immediately puts people on the defensive saying that they will need to get thicker skin and learn how to take a joke. I think they have earned their rights to say when they are not comfortable with how something is depicted.  Jokes or not,  this culture has little left of a voice.  The biggest tyrant of the culture, the man that started it all is still celebrated in a holiday after his name.  Getting rid of Columbus day, wouldn't end that oppression but it's a step in the right direction.  The same with using derogatory terms for natives as sports teams is not "Honoring" the culture.
     All in all I will probably not be watching "Texas Rising" anyway, I find that most of Texas history to be a series of poor judgments by the white invaders into what was then Mexico, and the disrespect of yet tactical tenacity of Houston's attacking a Mexican army while they were taking their siesta.  We get mad at the Japanese for attacking on a Sunday morning while a majority of service men are at church at Pearl Harbor, but when white men do it, it is a stroke of genius.  I think I've made an ass of myself enough today.  I'll step down off this soap box.
You like me because I'm a scoundrel,
    Ian Serna

I'd be shorter

    Harrison Ford, the actor that portrayed Han Solo, is 6'1'' (185.42 cm); I would be shorter, not by much, but 2 inches shorter.  It is fairly significant to some people.  I haven't felt like a tall person, or even a very large person, for all of my adult life.  There a just moments when I am reminded that I am a large imposing person.  I'm 6'3'' (190.5 cm). I am not a skinny person, even when I was lighter.  I have very broad shoulders and a tick torso, my legs are thick and toned from being on swim team, skateboarding, and bicycling. for a good portion of my childhood, and teen years.

My body type is what is called an Endomorph.  All my life, since I was a little kid, I've always had a little belly, even when I was physically active like crazy, my older brother noticed it and for a whole summer would supervise or order me to do sit-ups for hours a day.  I didn't lose the belly I just developed  very dense muscles under the fat.  Now over the years, of drinking to many soft drinks, beer, liquor, and just generally being a lazy fuck, I have put on much more weight then I even wanted to.  I have started my efforts to lose some of that weight and get back into better shape.  When I started working out, and eating less.  I didn't really change much of my current eating habits, except for cutting out a majority of breads and pastas.  I am simply eating less of them, smaller portions.  I fight off the urge to eat more by simply drinking more water, or occasionally a "hunger curving" shake.  I haven't needed one of those in a couple of weeks though.  I have gone from 299 lbs.(135.6 kg) to 287 lbs. 130.18 kg).  I have a ways to go if I want to get to where I want to be which is close to 240 lbs. It also may be more than that, since I want to build up stronger core muscles.  Anyway I figured talking about this will give me a record of the commitments I am trying to keep up and I can look back and feel shame or pride that I kept to it for failed. This isn't what really drove me to write this blog today.  I'll get to the point now.
    I was browsing imgur.com again, of course.  When I cam across a meme stating the unpopular opinion, of you shouldn't wait for a girl to hit you before you defend yourself.  No despite being inflammatory and misogynistic it got me to read a few of the comments, one was from a guy that was stating he is a big imposing guy and it would take more than just 2 punches to bring him down.  He then said that he was 5' 10'' and 280 lbs.  I read that and was like, this guy is 5 inches shorter than me and weighs nearly the same as I do.  Now I am not going to lie I have a pretty big gut if I don't stand up strait and suck it in for the sake of keeping good posture which I try to do. This guy is either very muscular or is just as doughy as me, if not more so.  No I don't know many people who will openly admit on the internet of being fat.  I did ask him since he was 5 inches shorter than me and weighed as much as I do, did he have the physical stamina to take the strain of throwing a punch?  Yeah it was a fairly dick move to call him out like that but hey this is the internet, I can be a dick if I want to.  He went on the say he has and athletic build but has a bit of a belly.  I was satisfied with that.  Hell I'm not going to press the guy.

 What really struck me was the fact that he thought 5'10'' was tall.  That got me thinking.  I stated before I never felt like a big guy, mostly because I was surrounded by friends of mine that were just as tall if not taller than myself.  6'4'', 6'2'', even 6'8''.  I didn't feel like a tall person around all of them.  I would imagine that we probably looked pretty scary walking together as a group though, but we were all fairly non-violent nerds, just looking for a place to play Magic: The Gathering.
    I just was wondering why on earth this guy on the internet thought that 5'10, was tall?  I looked up the national average of men in the USA, and 5'9'' is the average.  So he was only an inch taller.  That isn't much but maybe he is in an area that is much shorter.  I work with and meet people that are as tall or taller than men quite regularly.  I don't feel out of place or imposing, I feel normal.  It is only when I get told, "Wow you're huge." or I get stories from my girl friend about how her co-workers are intimidated by me.  I mean I fell like my favorite line from Bane, in the Dark Knight Rises was when the CIA agent said "Come on, you're a big guy." His replay is "For you."

 Which I found to be brilliant, because that is a relative comparison.  I'm not a big guy compared to my friend Robert who is 6'8''.  Which would make it all possible for this guy to be an imposing guy even at 5'10''.  Though how he doesn't run into guys much taller than him I will not know.  I don't really care to follow his daily interactions, and that would be kind of creepy to want to.
  I decided to ask a friend of mine that I made a few months ago, she's 6''(182.88 cm) tall.  I asked he if she often forgets how tall she is.  If she thinks of herself  in a different perspective than just being tall.  She told me she is always aware that she is much taller than average.  She told me that times she wishes she was shorter.   That makes sense to me, because a majority of females are not that tall.  So you'd be constantly reminded that you are tall by just looking around at other girls.  I would image this is probably a similar issue to men that are below height.  Thus the giving rise to the "Napoleon complex" not that only short people get it, I am pretty sure tall women feel the same as a short man for not being "normal."

   It was during this conversation that I had a bit of an epiphany, I often find myself more comfortable and drawn to being around taller women.  I am more friendly to them and I will engage them in conversation much sooner than I would a girl that is shorter than say 5' 8''.  I realized that I am just trying to feel not as tall as I am buy seeking out women that are only slightly shorter than me, sot that I feel that I am average height.  It makes me feel normal.  I suppose that is really all what it boils down too, is just the never ending quest to feel "normal" or fit in, but also stand apart.  It is a funny thing the way we perceive ourselves, so erratic and contradictory at times that to an outside observer the place is just a giant insane asylum.
     I'm happy with who I am, I just forget I am as large as I really am. It probably makes people scare at times, or worried when I try to do things that are something I shouldn't be doing being as tall as I am. Like climbing up the wall of an apartment building to get onto a balcony to get into the apartment I was locked out of... long story.  It is just those random things that pop into my head that I feel like typing out.  I hope you enjoyed reading this.

You like me because I'm a scoundrel,
    Ian

I would be forever young.

     It has been a while since I felt the inspiration to write a blog.  I've been putting some effort into writing a scary story, also life distractions since this is not my job and only my hobby,  If I could write as a job I might actually update this thing less.  I digress, to the point now.

     I have written about this subject matter before.  I simply saw a new image on imgur that gave me some additional thoughts on it.  Since it is hard to convey full ideas and aspects in a box of 140 characters, I will fill out my thoughts here.  This image, shows they young beautiful celebrities and how they are now old and saggy.  It is amazing to think that such an image would come as a shock to people.  Then again this come back to that bubble of time, that celebrities live in.  That film that made them a star, all youthful and fit,  they are forever frozen in that time, their image seen by people far younger, or born long after they are no longer alive.  Look at old films and stars.  They are beautiful in those films, Judy Garland, Audrey Hepburn, James Stewart, and Kerry Grant. They are gone now, but their films are still here, they are still beautiful in them.  They have reached the point where, they are not the subject of every day exchanges but they are now young and beautiful forever. If you google those names, you will not see photos of what they looked like they months or years before they died,  You will see the photos of how they looked then.  Sure if you do a deeper image search I am sure you will find more current photos.  But Google only shows the initial photos on the search, you their youthful good looks.  This show that we would rather be not reminded that the grim sector of age encompasses us all. To keep that reality at bay, when we think of older celebrities we only look at them as they were young.  

    There is a way to stay young and beautiful for celebrities, or even people.  The cost is higher than anyone is really willing to pay, it is your life.  Celibates that die young, still remain alive in their films, they are young attractive and that is why they became stars in the first place, yes of course their acting had things to do with it true, or maybe even their music.  The point is they were suddenly view by a much wider range to people, their images where captured in film and photography.  Then their lives were cut short. James Dean, Marilyn Monroe, Kurt Cobain, River Phoenix, and Heath Ledger. All these people have become frozen in time, because there is no record beyond their shining beauty and youth.  Forever young to coin a phrase.  This will not work for stars that have already lived past the point of their looks.  Even if Micky Rooney dies tomorrow, he will still have his films, and photos of  how his looks have changed for the worse.  Not many people remember him from 9 1/2 Weeks, they remember him from things like Iron Man 2 and The Wrestler. After his brush with bad plastic surgery trying the recapture his youthful look.

     I think most people get upset or angry at the celebrity for getting old and no longer looking good, because they are not be lied to anymore, they are being told the truth.  The truth is you are not a god, you are not timeless.  Depressing as it feels, you will not remain like that, unless you stop aging by dying.  The only your photographs remain, Frozen in time forever young.

You like because I'm a scoundrel,

     Ian

Would he think about this?

     It is one of those moments when I am unable to find a video game to hold my attention, nor am I willing to brows Netflix long enough to find something worth watching,  So I am just going to write out my thoughts while drinking coffee and listening to music.  This particular moment what I am thinking about is about something I remember reading about or hearing about on something I was watching, probably a combination of both.  Having evolutionary and physiological effects on our feeling or what we perceive as scary.
   While flipping through the images on Imgur, I came across some one who posted a bunch of "scary" gifs.  This has become common to do in the evening and is referred to as Late Night Imgur or LNI.  It is when people post the most creepy looking kind of images or animated gifs, in attempts to give the people up this late a fright. Personally I don't find them creepy I just find them amusing.  Though I was thinking about one image that many people said they found scary.  I started to look at it and analyse it.  The image is that of what appears to be a woman sitting in a bed,  She is wearing a white gown, her skin is pale and sickly looking, her face and jaw are stretched longer than humanly possible, in her mouth are long fangs that would not allow her to close her mouth properly.  She has no eyes, instead they are just black empty sockets.  The gif is animated and she appears to be screaming.  This image has been posted several times and every time some one mentions that is scary.  Even with a large gallery of other images this one seems to be singled out quite a bit.  Lets look that the parts of the image that add to this value of terror. Why each part is contributing to the whole image to make it as unnerving as possible.
     First off, she is wearing a white gown.
 White is traditionally thought of as pure and innocent, something that a pure clean and good person wears.  Which is why brides are often wearing white in western culture.  It shows purity.  Angels and saints are often depicted wearing white garments. So maybe it add that this might at one time been a nice person that has gone bad.  People fear corruption.  The blouse appears to be some what like a hospital gown.  This could infer that she had taken ill with an unknown disease and is in a hospital to recover.  This leads directly into the second and third features.
    Second, she is sitting in a bed, this may be that she has taken ill and is trying to recover from an illness, this could also play on the viewer as something they see when they enter their bedroom,  A bedroom is something people usually feel safe in.  It is comforting to be tucked into a warm bed.  Though it is also a place where you experience nightmares.  Late at night when it is dark and you hear a strange noise that wakes you, you experience the adrenaline response of flight or fight.  Your imagination conjures all kinds of scenarios.
    The third thing is that this lady's complexion is very pale, very sickly looking, this plays into the fear of illness.   We are driven away instinctually to avoid the sick,  because we have a drive to stay healthy and avoid illness.  This is why Zombie films are so popular in the horror genre.

What can be more scary than an illness that kills you but makes you continue to spread that illness even though you are dead?  Pale skin and sores on the body suggest a state of illness that you want to avoid.  You'll never fear a zombie with a healthy glow or bronze tan.

     The next part of this image is they stretched face, and open mouth bearing teeth. Many animals view the showing of teeth as a sight of aggression, it is threatening to bare teeth to a dog, they will growl or bark at you if you do this, smaller animals will cower, a large animal baring their teeth might show that the plan on having them as a meal.  The human animal though is different, we bare our teeth as a sign of affection from one another, this is what we call a smile.  That is why if you're going to make the showing to teeth feel threatening you have to make them as inhuman as possible.
The jaw opening impossibly wide gives the snake like appearance to the image.  There is a deep rooted fear in the image of a snake that plays into this aspect of the image. This lady has something you would not see in a normal set of teeth, long sharp fangs that would be better suited inside the mouth of a snake.  Since they are far from human in appearance we perceive them as a threat instead of a smile. There is another way to provide them as threatening yet maintain their human appearance.  Missing or rotten teeth are yet another perception of disease and to be avoided.  This could be seen in films where the threatening role is played by a man of poor hygiene, there is a very good example of this in the film Willow.  When the character of Madmartigan is introduced he is disheveled and this teeth are yellow green in appearance.  The heroes see him as dangerous and scary.  The next morning he is cleaning his teeth and they appear white and straight.  Suddenly the character still feels less scary, maybe not to be completely trusted but not dangerous.  Something as simple as they appearance of teeth effect the perception of fear.
   Lastly the missing eyes, this is something that plays quite highly in the psychological aspect of fear.  Now something that is missing eyes, is commonly perceived as blind.  Yet in horror films something missing eyes acts nothing like a creature that is blind.  They appear to be able to see perfectly well.  What plays on this as a fear feature is.  There is no way to tell were this creature is looking,  how it is able to perceive you even though you can't tell how it is seeing you.
  They Xenomorph created by H. R. Giger played this aspect of fear well.  It had no visible eyes but it knows right were its victims are.  The idea of sight where it is perceived as blind causes feeling of uneasiness in people.

  Now, I've said this before that I don't typically get scared at images of scary things, but that will not mean I won't jump at a startling noise or scream.  That's an inherent reflex action that is hard if not impossible to control.  The things that scare me are the things that cause my mind to make up the menace.  This little short story caused me to get scared.

   


   


        You are upstairs in your room on the computer.  You hear your mother call you down stairs.  As you get up and head out of your room you feel a hand grab your shoulder, it is your mother she's pale and scared. She says to you, "Shh, don't go down there baby.  I heard it too."













                                   

I would still enjoy the Man of Steel.

    I'm writing this as a reply to all the film critics out there that are saying less than stellar things about the new film Man of Steel.  I'll have to admit that I do have a bit of a bias when it comes to enjoying all things Superman.  Though as a faithful fan of the "Boy Scout" I should probably dislike this film.  Some Superman fans have been angry at the changes made to Superman with this new film.  I think this film is a nice change of pace to all previous incarnations of the Blue Bird.  Though the critics seem to think, that he's been made into just another brooding outsider.

   This is my take away from watching the film.  There was very little strong character development in this first film.  I am sure that can be said about lots of films that were made with hopes for squeals to follow.  The character development of the first Star Wars film was very lacking.  How can you criticize something like character development when you've been living with the culture of Superman for years and years before.  Saying that there isn't any character development to the film like this one is like saying, you upset with the fact that you ordered a pizza, but were not told that there was cheese and tomato sauce along with the toppings you ordered for it.  There are things that you should know as a given when going to see a film that already has a history to it.   I actually found more character development in this film for the villain, General Zod, than in Superman 2.  Both characters I found have their place in the stories they are in, but I found there to be much more depth in this Zod, than in the one from the 80s.  There is more of a focus on what the world of Krypton was really like, and a little less of what earth is like.  Which is something all the previous Superman films lacked severely.  This film did an excellent job of bringing to light the world that Krypton was, and how it crumbled. Giving an important lesson in it that power and decadence will ultimately destroy a civilization.  The current quotes I am reading seem to skip over that aspect and focus mainly on how they think this is some kind of "The Dark Knight" clone.

Chris Nashawaty, Entertainment Weekly:"'Dark Knight'-style makeover never quite comes together. Sure, Superman is still faster than a speeding bullet and more powerful than a locomotive. ... But he's been transformed into the latest in a long line of soul-searching super-brooders, trapped between his devastated birth planet of Krypton and his adopted new home on Earth. He's just another haunted outsider grappling with issues."

    This kind of view in that quote is kind of a "I want my cake and to eat it too."  All my life I have been laughed at for being a bigger fan of Superman and not Batman.  Batman is the dark brooding mysterious hero.  So much depth so much struggle with his emotions and moral code.  Where all I hear about Superman is, he's boring.  He's good, he never dose anything bad he just  has no depth like Batman.  So when I see a film that gives that similar dark moral struggle that Batman has, given to Superman, people complain that it isn't like Superman.  Well you can't have it both ways people.  You want Superman to stay Superman "boring" as many have said?  Would you like him to be given a bit of depth and focus on his own moral struggle, which is that he could just as easily become the planet's ruler instead of its protector.  You can't have both, so when you go with one people complain about the lack of the other. If you put out the stigma that no one likes Superman because he's too goody of a good guy, you can't complain when some one tries to tarnish the sparkling image to give him some depth.  There is even more depth given to Kal El at the very start of the film.  His birth, it was very different from all the other living Kryptonians.  I'm not sure if anyone else really thought of that aspect of it.  If you're confused, I suggest you watching the film it is subtle if you're not really thinking about it.

  Kenneth Turan, Los Angeles Times: "Given the 'Dark Knight' trilogy's Nolan and Goyer's involvement, it's no surprise that 'Man of Steel' is conceptualized in the Batman mold, a dark end of the street extravaganza where, theoretically at least, epic vision would be joined with dramatic heft. It hasn't worked out quite that way.

   I feel that critics of this film seem to focus mainly on the films they know of Superman and not the depth he is given in his comics.  They complain that this isn't the same kind of light heated silly Superman that it was in previous films.  Which is almost laughable to say.  What do they think a "re-boot" "re-imagining" is suppose to be?  Just spit shine Superman and Superman 2, and put them back in theaters if that is what they were hoping for? No wonder they dislike this film.  What happened to the Superman films is the same thing that happened to the Batman films, the first two that Tim Burton released were fairly Gothic and dark in nature, but gradually they got more and more cartoon like and silly, until Batman Begins.  I'm sure if the Man of Steel was just as lighthearted and silly as the previous Superman films, the critics would complain that nothing about the concept of Superman has changed.  This film had everything I was hoping for the film to be.

Peter Bradshaw, The Guardian: "This is a great, big, meaty, chewy superhero adventure, which broadly does what it sets out to do, though at excessive length. What I missed were the gentle, innocent pleasures of Superman's day-to-day crimefighting existence.... Due to the cataclysmic battle in this film, much of the Man of Steel's mystery and novelty have been used up. Subsequent adventures may lose altitude."

 I think the grand scale of this is prefect for Superman.  The massive cataclysmic fighting and events unfolding in this film are the same kind that took place in the first two films.  The splintering of the North American continent in the first film and the attack of the 3 Kryptonian criminals in the second film. In fact it is both of them combined if you look at it. I'm not sure where this, not enough day to day crime fighting, is coming from that this critic is pointing out.  There are a few places where Superman is simply rescuing innocents.  If you where hoping to see him to rescue a cat from a tree for a little girl, that is probably why it isn't in the film, because it was something you were expecting, clearly they were trying to avoid that kind of silly lighthearted heroics.  Maybe they will give that more of a focus in the next film before the main threat arrives.  Given the way critics are treating this film thought I don't know how likely there will be a second film.

Stephanie Zacharek, the Village Voice: "'Man of Steel' is a movie event with an actual movie inside, crying to get out. Despite its preposterous self-seriousness, its overblown, CGI'ed-to-death climax, and its desperate efforts to depict the destruction of, well, everything on Earth, there's greatness in this retelling of the origin of Superman, moments of intimate grandeur, some marvelous, subtle acting, and a superhero costume that's a feat of mad mod genius."

The massive threat to the Earth and the grandeur of the fighting at the films ending is necessary, how else is this alien suppose to gain the trust, all be it shaky, of the planet, if he hasn't saved it from utter destruction?  If the final fight looked more like a boxing match; than two beings with unimaginable strength fighting at the end of the film, it would be very Super would it?  Saying that there is too much Super Power fighting and effects in this film is like saying, There are to many cowboy hats in a Clint Eastwood western.  I didn't see this kind of criticism pop up in the Avengers Assemble film.  There was just as much CGI fighting and effects in that film as this one.

 Lisa Kennedy, Denver Post: "The chief problem here is one of rhythm and balance in the storytelling and directing. The movie swings between destructive overstatement and flat-footed homilies."

I'll have to agree with some of this, the pace of the film was a bit off.  There were events in the film that, rather being a slow build up to a grand action scene, it was inter mixed in with flash backs of story development.  This caused the tempo of the film to feel choppy and a bit melodramatic when it should be moving at a faster pace to keep up with the action it was just displaying.  That aside think the breaks in the film added a moment of reflection to think about what exactly was happening, and why it was happening.  For me it was a moment to think about the perspective of General Zod,  I found myself looking at him as less of a villain and more of just some determined to see his race survive.  This was the same dream that Jor El had for this people, but unlike Zod he understood that due to the nature of their lives, they could not be a part of that new world.  I found this to be the most tragic and sad thing about Zod, he just couldn't see past his given destiny.  Unlike Kal El, he was a slave to the Kryptonian past. Something that Jor El knew and was a well placed plot device to explain why he did not escape Krypton with his son.

This is my conclusion, this film was a perfect start to a re-imagining of the character of Superman,  one that struggles with his morality, who is more human than Kryptonian, which being raised as a human would have the same emotional traits as one.   Although he is Kryptonian physically his heart and soul are rested in the love of his adopted planet.  The feats he preforms in this film to save the planet are what earn the trust of the American government to not be consider a out right enemy of the state.  Though it is clear that they still hold their complete trust back, at the end of the film.  I would hope and love to see more of this story unfold,  I think it is being misjudged by critics, and I normally find most of their opinions to be agreeable.  My advice would be to go see this film, it is very good,  I found myself weeping, laughing and even silently cheering to myself through out the film.  I'm normally one for the evil side of a story,  I've constantly find myself cheering for a villain over a hero, and quietly sad when I see them fail.  Though I have always found Superman to be my most revered of super heroes.  This is because he has the ability to take over the planet on a whim, yet he instead defends and protects the planet as if he were the same as its inhabitants.  The restraint in that power has always fascinated me.  Love it or hate it, go see it and judge for yourself. This is just my perspective and concepts of this film, I'm just a scoundrel.

Ian

I might find the means to do this.

     This is probably the worst time to really make a post like this.  I'm going to end up on a list for saying this.  The ability for Congress to make progressive and beneficial decisions for this country seems to be becoming more and more of a exercise in futility.  The idea of causing and effecting mass hysteria in order to change things seems the only way they get anything done, yet with the events of something that caused a new debate on gun control ended in no change, it seems like mass murder of children can't change the minds of how much the Congress likes to get re-elected.  This now makes me think that we should just change the way our elected officials are elected.  In other words, why have we not just made seats in congress only 2 terms?  If people lose focus of what they are there for and just simply want to get re-elected. Why not just eliminate the thing that is distracting them?

     Lobbyists are paying out for agendas, corporations are paying for campaigns anonymously.  It has already gotten way out of hand. I feel an anger and frustration at the way I see our government making no real changes to the way it is.  It is ineffective in making changes, and the "people" of this country don't know what they want either. I watched as the media asked people picketing for change, and were asked what changes did they want?  The couldn't agree on any changes, they just wanted to see change.  This is like asking a 3 year old why they are crying and they respond with "NO!" It isn't helpful it isn't progressive it is just stressful.  The ones that have the best idea of what they want changed are the ones with the funds to make that change.  "What do you want changed?"  "I don't want gun control to change, here is 5 million for your next re-election campaign."

     If there is going to be any change in the current state, there needs to be aggressive and decisive change.  Congress seems to think, that by holding their ideas as rigidly and uncompromising as possible they will stay in office, because by holding true to the people paying for their elections they will in turn be re-elected.  So this polarization is happening.  No one is compromising, no one is listening to the other side.  Congress might as well just be dissolved and just let the richest corporations run that branch of the government,  Just cut out the middle man.  I want to see the money make the choices without the smiling puppet telling me that it has my best interests in mind. 

     This county seems to be again in the grips of a less obvious civil war.  The sides are the screaming, kicking, biting, crying idiots, vs the stubborn, apathetic, lazy, unthinking idiots.  It is doing nothing but spend money. I am sick of hearing people say we should nuke other countries, we should nuke this country.  Then maybe we'll get a reaction that is progressive.  Threaten this countries existence is a more obvious way than they way it is already being threatened.  It seems like the peaceful occupy movement did nothing to change anything.  In fact I am still unclear as to what the hell the occupy movement was suppose to be doing besides making the homeless people in those areas look like not such a bad thing.  Did all these unwashed ineffective activists go out and vote?  Or did that just sit around smoking pot, and playing hacky sack?

     I think doing something as radical as repealing the 2nd amendment would probably work to give Americans something to think about.   It seems to me that Congress wants to do something about gun control but it doesn't want to appear anti gun, so they can become re-elected.  So it will say they will do something be in reality it will just make a lot of long drawn out gestures and in the end do nothing.  I really don't know how long this has been going on.  I've never paid much attention to government for the first couple of decades in my life. I honestly think that most of the country is the same way.  They don't care, they just want to go to work, make money, and not be hassled with the idea of making changes to a system that seems to run fine.  Except it isn't running fine at all.  The younger generation the 20 somethings, seem to point this out like "Hey this isn't working."  They are not active about it and don't care to change anything.  They'd rather just drink and get high, play video games and ignore it.  Until it effects something that they have an interest in.  If a bill came across that would make having cellular phones illegal, suddenly you'd see a huge out cry from these coddled privileged children.  No one in congress will make that kind of move, because they want to get re-elected.  

     Our government needs an inoculation, it needs to be rid of the idea that nothing that happens in the country if it causes it's members of congress to lose their seat.  It causes members of congress to act like spoiled children in order be re-elected.  I'm sick of the way things are, there needs to be a change, not the the people running the government, but in the way the structure is working itself.  The problem isn't the people, the problem is there is a flaw in that system that is corrupting the people.  That exploit needs to be fixed and changes will happen.  If the Government is unable to make this change with it's current elected officials, then they need to simply be removed and replaced with ones that will make this change. Your jobs are not to get re-elected your jobs are to make decisions about this country that effect change for the better of it's people not for the better of the highest bidder.

Maybe I wouldn't care enough to talk about this.

     This is a touchy subject and I'm sure there might be some people who read this and get angry.  Let me start by saying, I don't support rape, I'm not here to defend or justify the actions of people who commit such a crime.  I am only stating that I believe this case in Steubenville, Ohio, has more to it than evil boys raped and innocent girl.  

     This really isn't normaly something I feel I need to say anything about.  This case was highly publicized due to the social media involved with it.  Which goes to show that the stupidity of the actions of the parties involved was paramount. Right now the website I choose to frequent www.Imgur.com is all a buzz about how the media is showing that we live in a rape cultured society.  Like it or not, since evolution made man larger and stronger than women, there is going to be rape.  I'm not saying that I condone this behavior, I'm stating there are going to be men out there that use their superior size and strength to take advantage of women, and men in cases.  Rape was not invented yesterday.  I'm sure it has been around for a long time.  The way we handle these cases however is coming under much scrutiny.  I agree the system needs to be changed to reflect the severity of rape.  You see there are degrees of murder, because we all agree there are different levels of it. The same can pretty much be said for all criminal acts.  Rape, has the possibility to be very cut and dry.  Man invades a home, sees a woman, attacks that woman and rapes her.  That is easy.  Now same situation, Man invades a home, sees a woman, attacks that woman, woman stops the man and asks, would he wear a condom before he does this?  Man stops his actions and puts on a condom.  Now did she consent to sex by asking for him to use contraception?  Maybe not, it is still forced sexual contact, but since the woman was able to apply some terms to the act, it wasn't as simple as Rape. 

      It is difficult to litigate such a perspective driven crime.  Some times, men are accused of rape when what they thought they were doing was consensual.  There is suddenly two groups, people that believe the man was not aware he was committing and act of rape, and people that think he is lying and believe he attack the woman. With no witnesses in some cases, it comes down to her word against his.  Some times physical evidence can prove sexual contact, but not forced sexual contact.  Other times it is clear the woman was forced. Some times the accusation is completely unfounded.  I recount a case in which my ex-wife's uncle was in the military.  He hand been turning down the advances of a subordinate female, after turning her down for the last time.  He was called into his CO's office and told that he hand been accused of raping the woman he had turned down.  He knew this was untrue, and said to his CO's "That woman is lying, because I'm gay."   The CO believed him, because at the time being gay in the military was worse than rape.  Sorry to admit something like that, but it was.  The perspective of the people involved, and the factors in the situation surrounding the act are very important.

     In this case, in Steubenville, two teenage boys have been convicted of raping an unconscious drunk girl.  Which is quite disturbing, and wrong, and very sick of them to do that.  I agree that it was rape. Although, I believe that it is not just the boys that can be at fault here.  This is the point a view that I am taking that caused quite and uproar from the Imgur community.  This group of teenagers were supplied alcohol by whom I don't know. I can't seem to find that detail in the case. There were several girls and boys drinking this party.  The victim, as per testimony of her friend said that she had the reputation for getting too drunk.  After the girl had had more than enough to drink and was lying on the floor laughing,  Her friend left her at that party.  Suddenly a girl who was known to be a black out drunk was ditched by her friend.  Blame can be placed upon her friend for knowing she was in danger yet leaving her there anyway.  Blame can be given to the adults that provided this alcohol to these teenagers. Where were the parents for these kids?  I asked that to the Imgur community, and was told that parents can't hover over kids to protect them.  True, but their parents could tell their sons, don't touch a girl that is unconscious. Because it is called rape and rape is a very bad thing.  It may seem kind of condescending but at least they have they now knowledge that what is going on is wrong.  The girl's parents, did they ask the kinds of questions that really should be asked.  

"Where is this party?" "Who is going to be at this part?" "Is there going to be alcohol at this party?" "You call when you get there, and when you are leaving." 

These are the things all parents should be saying and asking their children.  

     Blame can be given to the victim.  This is what really sets people off.  I get "yelled" at by the Imgur community: 

"VICTIM BLAMER YOUR PIECE OF SHIT RAPIST! YOU ARE JUST AS BAD A THEM! VICTIM BLAMER!" "It is no one's job not go get raped." 

    

     This last statement I agree with.  Although putting yourself in a high probability situation and being shocked when it happens isn't smart either.  It is not anyone's job not to get hit by a drunk driver.  It happens though. You can take precautions to avoid it.  Not driving late at night, or during holidays. There is always the risk, and it happens. You can take precautions to avoid being raped.  She did not, no one forced this girl to get drunk; she had known previously that she had become black out drunk before.  She might have felt safe and comfortable with her friends there.  Though I don't think what she did was very wise, in fact what she did was down right stupid.  Rape is not her punishment, thought, it should never be. She should feel remorse for the actions she to that put here in that situation.  I used this analogy on the Imgur website which people misread into all up and down.  Of course I only have 140 characters per post to try and get my point across, so it is difficult to have some read your entire point before making a snap judgement.  

     The analogy is this:  This girl got black out drunk, in a room full of drunk teenage boys.  That is like walking into a cage full of hungry tigers and pushing a syringe full of morphine into your veins.  My point being that it is just an incredibly stupid situation to put yourself in.  Of course I get yelled at that, men aren't tigers, not all men are rape machines.  Yes that is true.  These are not men though they are teenage boys.  Horny as hell, drunk, teenage boys. They've already got hormones running rampant through their bodies.  Then they throw in alcohol, horny, impaired judgment, lack of inhibitions, teenage boys.  I don't know what you want to call their mental state at this point, but it isn't a grown man's.  Science has proven that the teenage brain is yet fully developed and their judgment is still impaired.  They might as well be hungry tigers.  Their baser drives is what was controlling their actions.  I doubt any teenager when drunk thinks rationally, or even about right and wrong.  Hell some adults have that difficulty.  What they did was not right, it was a horrible thing to do.  Weather they knew it at the time cannot be absolutely confirmed.  Their actions after the fact, proved that they didn't think what they did was horrible.  Bragging about it on the internet, posting tweets and pictures and even video of the act.  Just proves what idiotic mind frame these kids were in.  No doubt that what happened to this girl was awful.  It should never happen to anyone. 

      Though the situation I find troubling is the conviction itself.  These boys deserved to be punished, that is clear, severely punished.  Though, there should be a degree of rape taken into this case.  Drunk teens, in a group, would provide a mob mentality, the urge to appease the group you are in will influence your actions.  What these boys did was stupid and wrong, but I don't believe they understood what they did.  Their actions might have appeared dream like and unreal.  Their bragging and euphoria after the act prove that what they thought they did was thrilling did not understand that what they did was criminal. They should be charged as rapists, but given the alcohol, and age of them, I think there should be some stipulations place on this.  Rather that marking them for the rest of their lives with this act,  I think there should be some kind of probation that allows this to be set aside after enough time, by determination of a judge of course. The things you do as a teenager in this day in age, when they are given far to many privileges in my opinion, could really not be the person they are in 10 years or 15 years.  Living with the label of a sex offender for 15 years is awful, given that time to reflect and understand what they did could be enough.  After that time, it is left up to a judge to review their behavior over that time to see if they have changed their ways, and determine to extend it to another 15 years. After that time, the review of a judge can either remove the label, or set it pertinently.  That is just my opinion.  I felt the need to express it.  Thank you for reading.

Would it be normal Funny?

      Once again Wendy has inspired me to think about myself.  Pointing out something that is strange about me.  I don't think it is that strange.  I think it might be uncommon but I can't be the only one that has my perspective.

      Last night I decided to watch a few Horror movies,  I like to do it by myself, because for some reason I find that watching them with other people is uncomfortable.  Mainly because of my reactions to them, as Wendy stated, "Ian funny." If you were to hear me watching a horror movie, you may mistake me as watching a comedy.   Since about the age of say 15 or 16 I rarely get scared at the films, I end up laughing most of the time.   I don't know why, but I've found horror flicks to be more laughable than scary. Might it be that I able to separate that fact that this is make believe, and not reality.  I think it might be that my commons stress reaction is to laugh or make a joke, and I am actually scared but I start to laugh instead.  I have felt scared a number of times, were my adrenaline is racing and I feel the flight or fight response pull at me, but those have been situations where I was not watching a film I was experiencing real life.  Each time I felt that, I knew I was going to fight.  The moment passed however, and nothing came of it.  I was expecting the worst and nothing happened.

       I remember being very young, and being scared of Gremlins.  I must have been around 4 or 5, they scared be because of their toothy appearance, and how in the film they seemed to be hiding everywhere.  As I got older I realized they were just puppets and nothing to be scared of.  Mostly because of the words of my father.  "That's not real, if you need to be scared of anything be scared of me, because I'm real and I'll beat your ass if you don't go to sleep."  My father was a loving and caring person.  He cut right through the bullshit and gave me the logical reasoning that made me realize, he was correct.  Since than I've not been scared at films.  That by no means I don't have a "Jump" response. I'm not a master of my autonomic nerves so when you make me jump it is a reaction that I have no control over.  Startling me is going to get the same reaction as anyone.  Except since I know my fight or flight response is fight, I might punch you.
   



      I told Wendy that I found something funny about the films I was watching last night.  Her response was "Is it normal person funny, or is it Ian funny."  I didn't know what she meant so I asked her to clarify.  "You're evil and so, what you find funny isn't what normal people find funny."  I'll give her that, I've been called evil be a lot of people.  I'm still really interested in what level definition of evil I am.  I try not to really think about it,  I can't say I don't feel a small amount of pride at being called evil.  I often have a bit of empathy for the villains in films.  I digress, I described the scene of the film and why I found it funny, she said it was 'Ian funny' and not normal person funny.  I didn't press the matter I simply thought about it.  Maybe I would look a little out of place in a theater if I was laughing out loud at the situation, as I was in the bedroom.
     The two films I watched were V/H/S and Paranormal Activity 3.  I had seen, the first two Paranormal Activities, so after watching V/H/S I watched the 3rd one.  V/H/S because of the recommendation of my friend Chris.  It was actually fairly amusing, instead of being a single film with a tired plot, it was a collection of short films all "found footage" of the events that happen to a group of different random young people.  The found footage has become kind of a popular medium for the horror film industry.  I suppose it is because it adds a little bit more believe-ability to the concept.  I've learned to ignore the shaky cam effects.  I spend more time trying to time when the "scares" are going to happen, and I try and look to where the directer is trying not to make you look. Not to avoid the scare, but to see something, I might have missed.  I know where the scare is coming from because every horror film forces your perspective.  I try to go against the perspective.  It is just some thing I've got into a habit of for most of my life.  Don't look at the picture in front of you look around or past it.
    I suppose that is something that keeps me from being normal.  I'm sure it is something that has helped me with the jobs that I go for.  I hope it keeps me looking for what isn't there and finding something that may not be normal but is still interesting.  Maybe I'm just talking myself up, and I'm just a freak.  Who cares, you like me because I'm a scoundrel.
      Ian Serna

I wouldn't have to think about my personality

     I was given a question to think about the other day.  I've thought a bit about it, but since I can't seem to quite place my finger on an exact reason I thought trying to work it out by writing it out my help.  I was asked, why happened to me that made me so mean, sarcastic, and selfish.  I thought about it for a while and my logic seemed rather secular.  I've been an internet "Troll" since before the term was even invented.  I would comment on forums, pointing out peoples mistakes not in spelling or grammar which I myself and horrible at.  More like flawed ideas or logical thinking.  I would also go into chat rooms and make sarcastic remarks to people.  Which is hard to understand because unlike vocal communication sarcastic resonance is not registered in text.   I've been this way for as long as I can remember, I would crack wise to adults, and other kids.  I'm not sure what the adults thought of it.  I am sure the kids didn't quite understand what I was saying.  I would either have to explain it, or they would just not like me for being strange.  I try and think about what made me like this.  Maybe it was the Calvin and Hobbes books I read as child.  The wise cracking child intelligent beyond his years but still lacking in wisdom to understand make believe is not without its consequences when applied to real life applications.  Those books might have been a factor.  I have this strange habit of adopting the characteristics of people a admire. People can always tell when I am reading Hitchhikers guide to the galaxy again, because my writing style becomes that of many non sequitur tangents and strange sentence flow,  just like the writing style of Douglas Adams. A similar effect happens with much House MD, currently I am exposing myself, probably too much, to The Big Bang Theory and have started pointing out flawed logic and simple mistakes.  Normal people would either not notice them, or wouldn't bother pointing them out. The mistakes essentially don't affect the outcome of the message.

    It maybe that I have a desire to be liked, but the things that I find to be likable in a character such as Gregory House, or Sheldon Cooper, are in a sense likable because their actions are scripted with peoples reactions in a universe that finds them to be tolerable people.  If I treated people that way all the time in real life, I would soon find myself without many friends.  Which has happened before.  The problem with this is I was acting this way before those characters were known to me.  Their presents merely enhanced the actions.

 Maybe it has to do further back in my childhood.  I was the middle child of a family of 5.  Feeling so invisible as to this day my mom thinks my younger sister was the middle child.  Which is not true, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.  4 is not in the middle of this, granted she likes to point out that their first born was 8 years apart from their second child, but that makes little difference to me.  If anything my older brother took even more attention away from me than  if he were only 4 years older than me.  His actions to this day are still given prime attention by my mother.  It baffles me that some one could be so much like that, even as old as he is he still seems to be acting like he was only 18.  The point here is that I found that staying quite would allow me to avoid being scolded for misbehavior, and that making jokes would get me attention by laughter.  Even if they were cruel jokes, the subject would not find it funny but the rest of my family would.  Here in lies what I think to be the catalyst to my behavior. I've been told that I can't act like that.  I need to be nice and polite and respectful to others.  The truth of the matter is, I have the great feeling of insincerity when I offer a compliment to people, especially people I already care for.   I feel as if I am forced to say it. I will have no problem offering a compliment some one I don't know, because I am trying to gain their friendship.  I tend to be very quite among people I need to get to know.  It has been that way for a very long time,  Once I feel comfortable around a new person I am able to talk.  Once that I am comfortable and I will make jokes, that are sarcastic, or mean.  I don't know why, I have no reason to be mean to them but that is how I feel my way to express my feelings toward that person.  Much like the little boy hitting the girl that he likes on the playground.  I seem to have modified that from being a physical act to a verbal act.  I'm sure a psychologist would give me a more detailed analysis of that act.  That still leaves me with why I am the way I am.  It is hard to change that fact about me.  I have tried to improve my actions by saying "Thank You" to people.  It is forced, each time I have to go through a mental process of, "This person did something for your, the appropriate way to act is gratitude,  look at them and smile.  Now say Thank you."  All social niceties for me are difficult to express, I am often seen as rude or a snob.  This may sound strange, but it is exactly what I have to think about before I am able to express them.  Nearly every time.  I'm not intentionally rude, I just don't seem to have automated manor.  I know my mom and dad taught us manors.  Though even as a child I didn't look as adult as superiors I thought of them more as equals.  What would be considered being disrespectful to my teachers would be when I would call them by their first name.  The only teacher that explained that to me, suddenly had my most respect.  Robert Denison, said "I am Mr. Denison, my first name is Robert, which adults can use.  Until that time that you graduate, and you become an adult, you call me Mr. Denison, as soon as you graduate you can call me Robert.   It made sense to be, I respected that wish.  I've called other teachers by their first names, not out of disrespect but it simply grabs their attention faster than calling them Mr. or Mrs. whatever, maybe it was disrespectful I'm really bad a judging that kind of thing.  I've even called aunts and uncles by their fist names, removing the aunt and uncle title.  I always get odd looks when I do that.  

   I think this helped me understand a little better the way I act.  It really didn't give me any epiphanies as to how to change that behavior or why I act that way.  It would be nice to be a regular polite person.  Than again my personality is what makes me, me.  If I were a nicer guy and didn't use humor, satire and sarcasm to express my emotions I wouldn't be Ian.  I certainly would be a scoundrel.  You like me because I'm a scoundrel.


Ian Serna

I could just sit in a bar and wait for the jobs to come to me.

     So, being jobless, like all the rest of so many other people today. I was a bit depressed when I lost my job not two months after moving to Austin. Then I was shocked when I was suddenly picked up as a QA tester for Trion Worlds. I was so far one of the most enjoyable jobs I had. Right up there with working at the Starbucks I worked at. The work, although it was work, didn't feel like work. Everything I did was enjoyable. Granted people can say, well it's because you're playing a video game. People who've never done that type of work kind of look at it through rose colored glasses. It is work and the game is less fun when you are not playing it for enjoyment but for testing, you have to keep eye on not losing yourself in a game but pay attention to all the things that could be wrong with the game. To keep a fresh look on what a person who has never played this game before will think of it is a difficult task. After playing it for over a year you take things that you know about if for granted and you look past some of the flaws because you know there way around them becoming a hassle to deal with. It is the work I have enjoyed the most from all the different types of jobs I have had. The testing of ways to break gaming programs is something that I would be willing to do for 80 hours a week if they would let me. I am sure my health would suffer if I had to do that but, I don't think I would ever get tired of that job. I am sad that it is no longer what I am doing, and I have been unsuccessful in looking for a new Gaming QA job.
       It was helpful that right after I was let go Wendy and I went on a vacation. for the first few days it was all I could think about was, what am I going to do for a new job and it was really getting me down. By Tuesday of that week I had stopped thinking about that and just relaxed and enjoyed myself. I had put in for unemployment before we left on the trip and I had lots of things too fill out when I got back. I've bee checking job listings on line and updating my resume on those job hunting sites. It is weird that It feels like I am doing very little in finding a job, simply filling out applications on line, takes about 3 hours tops of the day, and the rest of the time I sit around and think about what I can do with myself. I guess I'll start cleaning the house. It feels really easy to get discouraged to keep looking for a job when you don't hear back from places. It only took me about a month too find a job after the contract with Point Serve ended.  I have this feeling like it is not going to be as easy.  Maybe I'll find a seasonal job for the holidays, I don't know.  I hope Wendy doesn't get frustrated with me.  I would rather not be looked at as some bum just living off of her work.  Some times she makes me feel that way even when I was working.  I can only do what I can a home for now, which is clean and cook dinner for her.  I hope that is enough to keep her from kicking me out and finding someone who has a job.   I'm not trying to say that Wendy would do that sort of thing, it is just one of the things I fear of happening.  If I get the motivation if I haven't found a job after a while maybe I'll try and be an extra in some kind of commercial or film.  I think I said it back in a previous post that some one told me I have a good look for that.  Every one likes to stare that the big scary "injun."  I know that do it all the time when I go anywhere as it is.  Maybe I should contact my friend William and see if I can help him with this film.  I'm not sure which skills I have that he'll find useful but who knows I'm pretty good at anything I set out to do.  If I had the spare cash maybe I'll set up a forge in my backyard and make little bits of crap to sell on Etsy or something like that.  Oil myself up and pound on some iron in the back yard while Wendy takes pictures. That'll get the ladies buying shit. I'm joking I doubt that will take off.
      I'm just writing this too keep up with my postings,  I don't really want to go months without posting anything I will too try and make this a habit I can keep up with.  I am already slacking on my running in the mornings because I cut my foot on the bottom of the gulf when I was swimming in Mexico.  I'm waiting for it to finish healing,  It as stopped hurting but I'll give it a few days before I start up with that again.  If I don't I'll hope that some of the people that read this will pester me about it so I start up again.  I'd do that same for you.  Honestly I have no idea how many people actually do read this.  I would think it is kind of boring since it is really just be going on and on about the crap in my life.  It isn't like I am talking about the amazing things I do everyday like fight dragons and rescue virgins from the clutches of evil elephants.  Don't fool yourself those elephants are fucking evil,  If you don't think they are, it will be too late before you see the trunk coming down.
      I digress, this has probably gone on long enough, I'm not going to include any pretty pictures from the trip.  Maybe I'll save that for a new post.  They wouldn't really go here very well anyway, this is just me trying to vent about looking for a job.  I'll title the next one something about wretched hives of scum and villainy I have have visited and just post all the pictures I have taken with my pretty new camera.  I still have to figure out how I am going to get Christmas presents for people when I've got no cash flow,  Looks like everyone is getting cookies made for them.  Cookies and Fry bread for Everyone!  Just send me your mailing address and I'll send you some cookies and fry bread, for Christmas.  That will get you lurkers who read my posts but never comment out of the wood work!  You like me because I'm a scoundrel.
    Ian.

Hello everyone this is post is written after I have been laid off from Trion Worlds. I worked for them for a year, it really was the most fun I have had in a year. The people I have worked with and the ones I have have had a chance too meet have been amazing. I really hope to be with them again some day. Sadly I was let go because I was no longer necessary. I don't hold any ill will with anyone that was involved with the project, I only wish I could have given more to the project than I was able to. Trion Wolds was a great company to work for. Much better than the other gaming companies that I have worked for, I only wish them the best and that they are able to put out more quality games. I really wish there was me to say over this but for the life of me I can't recall any depth of character. I will remember in the songs of the the ones that have come after me.

I could never be the center of the universe.

     With the hurricane hitting the east coast of the US right now.  Specifically New York.  I've noticed that if not for the ability to communicate outside of yelling distance. It would seem to the people in the effected area that the whole world was experiencing this storm.  Before the ability to communicate rapidly across great distance, it would seem like every natural disaster was happening to the entire world.  This mind set can be seen all over.

      Generally most films are based in a city, where the events take place, and the person is immersed into a world where nothing outside of that area exists.  It is easier for the person to follow this kind of story, it is also easier for the write to write the story without confusing the reader.  If it is happening in that area nothing that is happening outside of that area matters.  It is pouring rain in that area it is pouring rain on the world.  If a food shortage is happening in that area it is happening to the rest of the world.   Maybe that food shortage is due to lack of access to your area, roads, rails, or shipping is unable to reach you.  Meanwhile a few 100 miles away there are people sitting down to and over indulgent lunch.  The rain is pouring in sheets but 200 miles away in California there are people sunning on the beach.
     It is the stories that I find most interesting when the story is not so centrally focused as to blur the outside world out of existence.  Where you find yourself not just interested in a single set of characters interacting but several different stories happening in the same world, with different stets of characters interacting with one another and across those smaller stories into the larger story as a whole.  These types of stories give me the most intrigue.  I experienced this the first time with Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back.  There multiple stories happening at once, and then coming together to finish have always given me a better experience than just a single story following a linear path. This is what the world is like every single day.  Maybe these stories don't come together but they are happening all around us.

       It is that philosophy that at the moment that you no longer see what is going on it no longer exists.  I find myself at times of being alone, that I think about what else is going on around me.  Some one some where is getting into a car accident, some one has just purchased a new TV and are really excited about it.  Some one just burnt themselves on a bit of food that just took out of a microwave.  This line of that that all around you people are doing things you do every day, makes me feel like part of something, as insignificant as our existence is to the universe as a whole.  Knowing that you are part of a larger happening is almost inspirational.  As you read this right now, think about the people working that power the website, as you sit in your chair think about the person who designed and build that chair,  Some working in China, most likely. Not that that I am going to start some political high horse of where we get our goods from.  Think about the person working at the power plant that is allowing you to do all the things you need to work. 

      The thought of the millions  of little stories that go on every single day, even while you are sleeping or doing nothing.  There are people contributing to even allow you to be that sedentary.   It is not something most people think about on a regular basis.  When you start to think about it though it is a bit humbling.  You are not worthless you are part a greater whole.  Something you do is going to effect someone else.  Even the bums on the street, they server a purpose.  They might serve as a deterrent to never give up on what you are doing so you don't end up like them.  They may inspire you to help out the less fortunate.  We are all connected some way or another.  You just have to stretch out to the idea of chaos theory to find connections to the most isolated people, the ones in Africa, the ones in South America.  I'll not get into that kind of connection but it there.

First World Problems

     Now there is a large concentration of people on the east coast of the United States.  It is defiantly going to make an impact in those who's lives are effected by the clash of weather that is happening.  It is cool and sunny here in Central Texas, nothing prefect weather actually, but everyone on the east coast thinks that the weather everywhere is horrible, because they are focused on their own narrow bubble of existence   I am in no way trying to call these people narrow minded.  I am simply pointing out that the idea everyone constantly never looks past their on narrow view of the world.  I am sure this exist all around the world but I know that Americans are particularly susceptible to this.  It has to do with our culture of everyone for themselves, which may appear to be weakness but if fact is hidden strength.  When one person is trying to do all the work it is in fact weak, but when you take many of those people, put a common goal of to achieve that, where they are all striving to do there best at reaching that goal, the team effort will take over.  Everyone individuality wants to be the best so the compete inside that team to be the best, all pushing each other to achieve that goal.  That is capitalism at it's finest.  I can go dark, when sabotage happens inside that in order to be the best, but I digress.  

Haiti

     At the moment everyone is looking to the east coast, maybe a lot of people don't realize that Hawaii is about about to be hit by a tsunami.  I am sure everyone in Hawaii is well aware of this fact but there are people in the east coast right no that couldn't give two shits about that.  Why should they what his happening to the is what is directly more important to their quality of life, not what his happening on a remote island thousands of miles from them.  We also have a very short memory of things that happen all over the world.  We hardly think of anything that happened in Haiti or Japan that crippled those countries.  They are still repairing the damage.  No one thinks about it anymore, hell aren't we still building the Trade Center, that was 11 years ago.  Never forgetting something is actually unhealthy, it is part of the healing process to let go of the feelings and memories of the events.  Reliving them is what they call P.T.S.D. now.  

Joy and Pain

     The next time you think your life is miserable, or that nothing is going right for you, think about the billions of people all over the world, realized that you are 1 among them,  that no matter how bad you feel at the moment, some one just lost their child to a disease, someone just got a promotion, someone just found out they are pregnant.  I'm not saying this to belittle your own problems or rewards in life, I am saying this to let you know that there is a world outside your life, that cares about as much for you as you care for it.  Keep your eyes open to everything around you, and realize everyone is human. Everyone suffers and everyone knows joy.  No one is immortal.